Suds With Securb: Hey Tagliabue, I give up!

OK, we are not morons and we all know what Sir Wrinkly Face meant. But are we now censoring double entendre? Can the NFL censor because what they think we are saying? I guess they can! They can do this because Janet Jackson showed her breast.

I can watch topless bush women of the Kalahari with brown pancake breasts down to their knees all day long on PBS. One firm brown hooter during the Superbowl two years ago and now I sit here watching the most boring pre-game show I have ever seen. Two years later we are still being punished for one freaking nipple.

NYPD Blue got away with showing skin on broadcast TV so why can’t the NFL? I have figured out why. The NFL doesn’t want to make waves. They don’t want to give the government any reason to take a closer look at their monopoly.

Last week we had every government official from the city level all the way up to the Whitehouse telling us that if anyone is caught price gouging during Katrina they will face jail time. The NFL is the worst price gougers in the history of corporate America, not including the price of tickets and parking. Can someone tell me why a 16 ounce beer cost 500 – 600% more on the inside of a sports arena? Do the math. This ridiculous cost compares to gas suppliers trying to charge $12 for a gallon of gas.

All the way to the game we pass signs outside bars that say 16 oz. Bud Draft $1 and the second we step inside the world of Tagliabue we are paying $6 – $7 dollars or more for the same beer. Is the transportation cost to get a beer across the stadium parking lot so much they have to mark a beer up 600%? No. It all comes down to greed, supply and demand.

Week in and week out fans are getting screwed by these stadiums on the price of beer, yet ever so slowly they are finally giving us the reach around.  In the cases I have seen the microbrews and “premium beers” are only 50 cents to a dollar more than their macro counterparts putting their mark up at a mere 300 – 400%. That makes the better beer the better deal.

This fleecing only fuels one of the most time-honored traditions in sports history: tailgating. Most patrons of arena events are smart enough to get a good base buzz going on in the parking lot before entering a bizarre world where a single 12 oz. beer cost as much as a 12 pack from a local gas station.

Sticking with the theme of NFL paradoxes we watch away games at home and watch home games at the stadium. When we get to the stadium there are a few basic supplies that we need for tailgating at home and on the road. When traveling to your local stadium I suggest at least two coolers, one for food and one for beer. I actually carry a third soft-sided cooler for my specialty beers that I don’t want ice cold.

As nightfall comes and the winter months are upon us a slightly chilled barleywine or Imperial Stout is a welcome friend. Keep in mind these high ABV% beers can blow your head off. You want to be able to make it through the gates after paying close to a hundred bucks for a nosebleed seat. Be sure to take it easy with the big beers.

Selecting beers for tailgating is a simple science. In most cases the season and your location will dictate what you are drinking. For those first tee-shirt games of the season some crisp refreshing pale ales, lagers and wheat beers seem to be the logical choice for cooling off while baking under the summer sun. During bitter playoff Sundays of January an Imperial Stout, Barleywine or Strong Ale can help take off the winter chill.

While coolers are the key component to properly tailgating with beer, great grills are an absolute necessity for feeding the hunger beer will undoubtedly bring on. Notice I didn’t say a good grill. You want a grill that will light fast and allow you to regulate the heat easily.

My weapon of choice is a baby Weber that offers plenty of real estate for food and for those longer tailgating sessions it can even be used as a smoker. If you are a hardcore tailgater you can go with two grills; one for cooking and the other for warming and/or smoking.

One trick that I also find to be very helpful is to put as much food as possible on skewers. This eliminates the need for plates & utensils allowing the braver tailgaters to serve themselves directly from the grill instead of lining up cafeteria style.

If you are college frat boy there is one more critical piece of tailgating equipment that sits near the top of the list. While tailgating The Black Crowes show this past summer, some frat guys were more than pleased to show me the extreme side of tailgating with a classic double funnel going in the parking lot of the Tweeter Center. I passed on the opportunity to inhale 3 Bud Lights in 2.5 seconds but these guys are a testament to the fact we still control the outside of the arena. This is where the beer flows free and the smell of burgers permeates the air.

By now you all must be ready to kick off your own flavor of tailgating so to help you moving, I’m going to provide some beer suggestions and TheManRoom exclusive grill recipes that you’ll want to write down, print out or use whatever means necessary to make sure they’re by your side the next time you fire up your new great grill.

Regular readers of my columns have figured out by now all Securb endorsed recipes call for beer. Many recipes call for “a bottle of beer” but we know “a bottle of beer” could be anything from a sweet Belgium Triple to a bitter IPA. So what kind of beer should be used for grilling?

If you look around on various brewer websites they actually have suggestions for cooking with their products. A lot of brewers will also have food suggestions and pairing for their beers. If a beer compliments a type of food at the table, in most cases it will also compliment it in a recipe.

The big key to cooking with beer is sticking with beers you’d drink on their own merit. If a beer doesn’t taste good out of the bottle chances are it will taste just as bad mixed in with food. This being said, I am not suggesting cooking with a 1995 Bigfoot but definitely go with a better beer. The following recipes exemplify this time-tested strategy.

Dogfish Head Golden Chicken