Its that time of year when our spam quadruples with wonderful offers from the retailers of the world. I find it funny how everyone on the planet thinks their product is the perfect Christmas gift. I have been getting hit hard in the Inbox from hi-tech companies with their offerings, but alas there are few gadgets out there that my wife or daughter would like. Anything my son would like from one of those sites would bankrupt me.
Does Alienware really think a $2,500 laptop is the perfect stocking stuffer? I got a holiday e-mail from Vitamin World. To their defense, the e-mail never mentioned the “perfect present,” but it did have all of the holiday trappings. I can see the kids jumping for joy now as they find a bottle of Omega-3 Fish Oil Concentrate in their stockings.
I am also being hit left and right with spam from those gadget websites that sell crap that never works. This stuff is worse than the bullshit they hawked from the back of comic books back in the day. “Hear any conversation from 700ft” or “No one will know you are wearing these lifts and you will be 6 inches taller.” Most of the offers on these sites are weight loss devices or magic machines that will give you an instant six-pack. The only thing most of these devices will do is remove unsightly money from your wallet.
The Miami Dolphins e-mail me every other day with some great offer from their online store. They should be happy that I am still a Dolphins fan after this year and stop trying to sell me more Teal and Orange crap. I have enough tee-shirts of Dolphins from days gone past.
David Bostons #80 shirt is hanging in the closet next to Marino and Ricky Williams. The only other teal and orange swag I have is my oversized Miami Dolphins beer mug my wife bought me last Christmas. That gets used year round. My deranged family are Patriots* fans and there is nothing on The Fins website they could use.
So what to get the family for Christmas? Here is a few last minute ideas for holiday gifts. If you are not in the giving mood, save your money and buy some of this cool gear for yourself.
On the less expensive end there is nothing like a great tee-shirt. Tshirthell.com has some of the most original drinking shirts on the market. My favorites are “Who Ever Pukes First Drives” and “Also Available In Sober.” Not all of their tee-shirts are that tame. They refer to sex acts, bodily functions and religion in ways that are guaranteed to shock. But for a gift under $20 they are my odds on favorite.
If you dont want to break the bank head over to kegworks.com where you can get lost in their website. Kegworks.com carries everything from bottle openers to commercial kegerators and pizzas ovens. Need a stripper pole for the house? Now you know where to go get one.
Their Guinness wall clocks are a great grab for just under $19. If you dont mind dropping a few extra dollars, the NCAA Coola Can Refrigerator is a must for the dorm, rec room or poolside. No more ice runs just plug this self chilling can cooler in and fill it with beer. Of course it is on coasters in case you need to move it from room to room. Kegworks has all of the NCAA teams available and a lot more gift options including stripper poles. What an upgrade to your ManRoom.
Still not up scale enough for you? This next gift option definitely is. I found prints online by photographer Laura T. Bennett. These prints are beautiful works of art that will be a great up grade for any ManRoom, office or just about anywhere you can hang fine art. Laura received her BFA in fine art photography from the University of Colorado. Colorado being the Napa Valley of beer and Laura being a college student it of course was only natural to snap pictures of beer. Each of these photographs will be printed in a limited edition of 100. After the first run of 100 for each image, no more prints will be made. Each print will be signed and numbered by the photographer.
I found some of her work on this ebay page. I am sure if you use the contact seller option in Ebay it should be easy enough to contact her.
If we have been real good this year the big daddy beer gift is of course a kegorator. I have been flirting with buying one for years now and have finally broke down and purchased one. While most of the kegorators that I found were nice I settled on the Danby – Chill ‘n Tap. The Danby comes with the CO2 tank, the keg coupler (the tap attachment) and a few other upgrades.
There are kegorators on the market that look cheaper but might not have everything you need included. The plastic drip tray alone after market can cost $30 – $50 dollars depending on what you get. Add $30 for a coupler and $70 for a CO2 tank and before you know it that $400.00 Kegorator is up to $600.
Another nice option on the Danby is the temperature controls are on the outside of the unit with a cool blue digital temperature read out. Its stainless steel face is a great high-tech look for any room in the house. It also comes with wheels and at 5.8 cubics you can put in a half barrel or beer or two 1/6 barrels or cornelius kegs.
If you want to go nostalgic this Christmas my favorite online brewery store with out a doubt is Pabst Brewing Company. Pabst has bought the rights to some of the coolest and most nostalgic beer brands in the countrys history.
How about an Old Style shirt for your old college roommate or a Pabst Blue Ribbon hoodie for that beer writer that you so adore. This is the place for the gear. You old school rap fans can even find some St. Ides hats and tee shirts to kick it in. And wouldnt grandma love a Schlitz Malt Liquor scull cap. All of your old school favorites are online at the Pabst Website.
If you would like to add an upscale touch to someones ManRoom this ceramic masterpiece is a must have for any shelf. Yes I am talking about Sam Adams Utopia. Not only do you get a beautiful ceramic bottle but it happens to be filled with the most potent beer in the world.
In the new Sam Adams ads there is a little evil grin on their faces as they are telling you Utopia is illegal in 11 states. This distinct member of the beer world that plays on the palette like a fine cognac or port is a must buy for the beer drinkers on your list. You may even want to buy two bottles one to share one to save. Utopia is the perfect beverage for that Christmas Eve or New Years toast. Save the Champagne for the French; it is time to start a new tradition.
As you see, there are plenty of great gifts out there you can buy the beer drinker in your life. Remember, it is not how much you spend. It is how much thought you put into the gift. Unless you are buying something for me, then you better crack open the wallet.
So everyone, please enjoy the commercializing of the holidays, the vilification of Christmas, and 8 days of Kwanza. We at TheManRoom wish you and yours a happy and healthy December 25th.
– Bruce G. Owens, Jr.