As it was mentioned in our All-Offense edition, The TMR Zoo is paying tribute to those “gentlemen” of the National Football League who have had a little bit of trouble behaving themselves in a fashion that we as sports fans expect of Mulit-million Dollar athletes. I present to you TMR Zoo’s roster of the biggest jackasses that took the field on the defensive side of the ball during the 2008 NFL season:
If you thought our All-Jackass First Team Offense was bad, just wait until you read what some of these Defensive assclowns have done. We may be talking about some serious jailtime for some of them:
CHARLES GRANT
2008 Team:New Orleans Saints
Reason: Manslaughter charge. Doping. Getting stabbed
Result: Drug Suspension
Grant, along with seven other men, were indicted by a grand jury on a charge of involuntary manslaughter. All of the men were in a brawl that resulted in the shooting death of a pregnant woman who was completely univolved with the fracas. Grant still claims he wasn’t involved, despite receiving a stab wound in his neck. Then, in December, Grant was one of three Saints players suspended for four games for using a banned substance. If you ask Saints fans, the biggest reason Grant is on this list is due to his shitty numbers since signing a huge contract before the 2007 season.
DARION SCOTT
2008 Team: None
Reason: Father of the Year
Result: Forced Retirement.
Here’s a guy named to the NFL Total Jackass team that didn’t even play a snap of football in 2008… and rightly so. In May, Scott was charged with misdemeanor assault on his 2-YEAR OLD SON. Luckily, according to reports, the boy’s mother walked in on him holding a drycleaning bag over their son’s head. Scott claimed to be playing a game with the boy, but red marks on the child’s neck proved otherwise. Scott was later charged with child endangerment for keeping a fully-loaded handgun in an unlocked nightstand. The incident was not the first involving Scott’s son and possible abuse. Happy Fathers Day!
ANTONIO PIERCE
2008 Team:New York Giants
Reason: Plax’s cohort. Animal abuse. Stealing kids’ jobs.
Result: Fine. Sucking.
Antonio Pierce was the guy who helped Plaxico Burress out of the club after the infamous gunshot incident, then drove away with the gun in his later-impounded vehicle. Pierce did not miss any time over the altercation, including the game less than 48 hours later. Pierce’s play was never the same after that fateful weekend and, along with Burress being out, the Giants lost four of their last five games, including their only playoff appearance. Additionally, Antonio plead guilty to neglecting one of his pitbulls and paid a $1,300 fine for the incident. Pierce was also an intern for a day on Howard Stern’s Sirius XM radio show. Now that’s a full roster right there.
LOFA TATUPU
2008 Team: Seattle Seahawks
Reason: DWI
Result: 1 Day in Jail. Fine
In the summer prior to the 2008 season, Lofa was arrested on a Driving While Intoxicated charge and eventually plead guilty. His breathalyzer registered a .155, almost twice Washington state’s legal limit. The arrest resulted in a 1-day jail sentence and a $1255 fine. The arresting officer noticed a 2006 Hyundai Accent driving erratically, and pulled it over. The biggest reason he is on the 2008 Total Jackass Team? Why the hell is an NFL football player driving a frickin’ 2006 Hyundai Accent? Jackass!
WILLIE ANDREWS
2008 Team:New England Patriots. None.
Reason: Drugs, Weapons, Pointing a gun at his bitch.
Result: Arrested Twice. Released.
Where do we start? Two days after the New York Giants punked his Patriots in Superbowl XLII, Andrews was arrested and charged with possession of marijuana with intent to distribute. The police responded to a call of possible drug activity and found Andrews in his unregistered Crown Victoria. They found $6,800 and 1/2 pound of marijuana in the vehicle. Later that offseason, he was arrested again, this time at his home, after pointing a handgun at his girlfriend’s head during an argument. They charged him with assault with a dangerous weapon and unlawful possession of a firearm. The Patriots released him within 24 hours of the second incident and he remains a free agent to this day.
ADAM “Pacman” JONES
2008 Team: Dallas Cowboys
Reason: Pick One.
Result: Suspended. Released.
Sorry, but this site can’t afford the bandwith to list all of the reasons why Pacman Jones is a Total Jackass. Just Google his name and something stupid he did will come up.
KALVIN PEARSON
2008 Team: Detroit Lions
Reason: Domestic Battery.
Result: Arrested.
There were way too many incidents involving children and pregnant women this year. Yes, this is a comedy piece, but damn, guys, get with it. Kalvin Pearson made TJT this year for being arrested on charges of domestic violence, including domestic battery by strangulation. According to reports, Pearson grabbed a woman pregnant with his child from her vehicle by her hair and neck and then choked her. The coward fled the scene but was later apprehended by police. They threw an “obstucting an officer” charge in there, so at least the douche stood up to a man in some capacity. Pearson went on to play all 16 games for the Lions after the incident… so his actions did not affect Detroit’s record-breaking season in any way.
GERALD SENSABAUGH
2008 Team: Jacksonville Jaguars
Reason: Making the same mistake twice.
Result: Arrested… twice.
In May, Sensabaugh was arrested on a stretch of Tennessee highway for a reckless driving incident which included “doing wheelies on a motorcycle.” Now, compared to some of the other charges listed on this page, yes, this one is pretty mild and Gerald may not be deserving of the honor of being named to the TMRzoo Total Jackass Team. But wait… Ironically enough, Sensabaugh was stopped less than a year earlier… on the same EXACT stretch of road… for the same EXACT charge. Keep banging into that screen door Mr. Sensible, you’ll break through it eventually. During the first traffic stop, he was arrested for carrying a firearm without a permit. Jackass enough for ya now? I think so.
In the next article, we will be focusing on the Front Office/Special Teams/Bench edition. Click the graphic link at the top of the left sidebar to access all three articles once they have been posted.
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All of the information in this article is alleged and can be found on multiple sources on the internet.
