Hi, this is Cletus. In case you missed it, I been making weekly NFL picks and perdictions here all season long at the TMR Zoo. Some of y’all won some great prizes along the way by disagreeing with me, but I don’t take none offense to that, we’re all just funnin’ around. You can win another great prize by entering our Playoff Pick’em Contest too… $100 at Amazon.com. Man, I could get myself my own trailer with that cash! You start by entering your Wild Card Round picks and then continue throughout the playoffs. Then you can enter again next week with new picks. Make sure you go on an’ check that out after you’re done a readin’ here.
Since it’s a playoff time and this is serious bidness, I got buttoned-up a bit in my press photo. Whatta ya think? Matilda gussied herself up as well. Anyways, here’s how I recon the first round of the NFL Playoffs are gunna go this year. As an added surprise, I asked the rest of my family here in the double-wide for their picks as well. Enjoy!
Cletus P. Stillwater, Jr. – me
New Orleans Saints at Seattle Seahawks (Saturday 4:30pm EST) Is there any real need to figgerin’ out this game? How often you see a team gittin’ 10 points from those fellers there in Vegas while HOSTING a playoff game. I recon I wouldn’t even pick Seattle with the points.
Pick: New Orleans Saints
New York Jets at Indianapolis Colts (Saturday 8:00pm EST) Now here’s a game. Headin’ inta this season the Jets were everyone’s darling team. They started out hot as a brandin’ iron at 9-2, but then December came along and they went 3-4 in the month. The Colts have been a hurtin’ with injuries all year long, but they did the opposite, pulled it together in the end and won their last 4 games. Indy moves on with their winning ways and git this one by a field goal. It’s ironic that Rex Ryan loses by someone’s foot… but what’s ironic mean?
Pick: Indianapolis Colts
Baltimore Ravens at Kansas City Chiefs (Sunday 1:00pm EST) The Ravens ended with a 12-4 record, tied for the second-best in the AFC… but it won’t help ‘em much here. K.C. is a tough place to play in, especially for a young QB. The Chiefs buckle down and win this low-scoring contest.
Pick: Kansas City Chiefs
Green Bay Packers at Philadelphia Eagles (Sunday 4:30pm EST) The Eagles looked unbeatable with that feller Michael Vick in 2010… until a blizzard hit Philly, both in snow and the Vikings defense. The postponed game showed some obvious flaws in the Philly game. I recon they say defense wins championships… I’ll take the defense with Clay Matthews, A.J. Hawk and Charles Woodson on it every time.
Pick: Green Bay Packers
Pa Stillwater – Paw hasn’t said too much since the accident, he just lays there on the couch all day long. He’s the only man in the county with a full mouth of teeth… they’re only Chicklets though. He can still point with the last finger left on his right hand. I showeded him the teams and he pointed at the ones he wanted. Here they are:
New Orleans Saints at Seattle Seahawks – New Orleans Saints
New York Jets at Indianapolis Colts – New York Jets
Baltimore Ravens at Kansas City Chiefs – Baltimore Ravens
Green Bay Packers at Philadelphia Eagles – Green Bay Packers
Good job Paw, now if you only remembered to tie that ladder off to the roof of the double-wide.
Jim Bob Stillwater – My brother Jim Bob can talk just a little better’n Paw. He used to be smart when he was a youngin’ but he spent too much time around the moonshine still and the docs say the vapors from the mash liquified half his brain. It ran down his face like snot. Jimmy Bob is a big Dallas Cowboys fan and can’t seem to understand too much else. He even got a tattoo of ‘em. Here’s his picks, but I don’t recon he understood what I was a askin’ him:
New Orleans Saints at Seattle Seahawks – Dallas Cowboys
New York Jets at Indianapolis Colts – Dallas Cowboys
Baltimore Ravens at Kansas City Chiefs – Dallas Cowboys
Green Bay Packers at Philadelphia Eagles – Dallas Cowboys
Jenny Mae Stillwater – City folk that come round sometimes liken my sister Jenny Mae to Marilyn from the Munsters. I don’t understand, I don’t think she looks like a monster at all. She’s a good kisser too. She picks the teams by who has the purdier uniforms. Here’s who she picked:
New Orleans Saints at Seattle Seahawks – Saints
New York Jets at Indianapolis Colts – Colts
Baltimore Ravens at Kansas City Chiefs – Ravens
Green Bay Packers at Philadelphia Eagles – Eagles, but only if they wear their green “tops”, if not then Packers.
Ma Stillwater – Good ‘ol momma got the most learnin’ in the family… made it all the way thru the 10th grade. Ma can cook up a ‘coon or possum stew better’n anyone ’round. She even watches more football than I do, but I don’t recon she knows what she’s talkin’ bout too much, look at some of these stupid comments…
New Orleans Saints at Seattle Seahawks - The Saints’ starters will be resting by the end of this game. Furthermore, they’ll go into whichever city they play next week and embarrass them as well.
New York Jets at Indianapolis Colts – This could amount to a pretty good game. The Jets were sloppy towards the end of the season, while the Colts improved despite a severely banged-up team. I think the better defense wins this one in a low-scoring affair that has my half-nephew Peyton blaming someone at it’s conclusion.
Baltimore Ravens at Kansas City Chiefs – I think too many people are being dismissive of the Chiefs, but it doesn’t matter as long as the Ravens aren’t. They are 7-1 at home this year and it is a very tough stadium to play in. However, I don’t think they have quite the offensive punch to pull this one out against the Ravens. This game WILL come down the 4th quarter, possibly even overtime, with the Ravens limping out of Arrowhead.
Green Bay Packers at Philadelphia Eagles – One bad game and now Michael Vick can’t read a defense or identify a blitz? Cletus, please! Nobody could contain this team throughout most of the season and that will be the case on Sunday. Remember, the Packers were 10-6, but five of those six losses were on the road. I don’t care if they did beat the Eagles in Philly this year already, that was week 1… decades ago in the football world. The Eagles win this one in a blowout.
Yeah, take ma’s comments with a grain of salt. Pretty ridiculous, huh?
So there ya have it… the Stillwater Family predictions. You can make your own picks in the comment section below, or enter them in our Playoff Contest where you can win $100. Good luck and have fun with round 1! Yee-haw!