J.J. Abrams and Star Trek: Douchebaggery…The Final Frontier

When petulant children feel neglected, they tend to throw tantrums solely for attention. I give you J.J. Abrams movie-making paradigm regarding the two Trek films that he was misguidedly chosen to direct. Unfortunately, the movie business is just that; A business. Why make a Star Trek movie just for Star Trek fans, when you can brag about neither understanding nor regarding the source material, subsequently dumb it down enough for the great unwashed to embrace it, and simply insert more asses in seats. Abrams is the artificial vanilla-flavored generic big budget action/sci-fi equivalent of Michael Moore, only Moore didn’t feel the need to destroy one of the founding worlds of the United Federation of Planets in his first trek film, just for some attention.

In a Daily Show interview aired before the release of “Into Darkness”, Abrams mused “The goal (with Into Darkness) was to make a movie for moviegoers, not just Star Trek fans.” He also admitted to “…not getting…” the original series growing up, as it was “too philosophical for me”. I’ve got a news flash JJ, Star Trek IS A PHILOSOPHY! Embrace it, you donkey, don’t try to shape it to the liking of your ticket-buying legions of mindless bubble-gummers.

The arrogance of this little prick may indeed be boundless, but it’s certainly nothing new, as demonstrated by his comments at 2007 Comicon,  lamenting the fact that unlike Japan, “We(America) need our own monster.” Thanks JJ, that’s so sweet, and what did you give us?  “Cloverfield” Ninety-plus minutes of the most epically steaming pile of shit to ever have hit the big screen. What should we expect from the guy whose first commercial success was “Felicity”?

Abrams’ place in sci-fi history seems all too assured, however he will not have the opportunity to bastardize and soil Star Wars to the same extent as he did Trek simply because George Lucas has already done Abrams’ odious work for him. One cannot affect a franchise already destroyed by its creator.  As far as Abrams’ place in the history of Star Trek, he has none. His irrelevant blasphemy attains the same level of absurdity as would graffiti art for the blind. He will be widely regarded as the little nerd that couldn’t, a television scribe not cut out for the big screen.

The good news is, his effect on Star Trek is, and will remain, non-existent, as  he will be relegated to the same level of obscurity reserved for all champions of mediocrity. Although we must be chagrined at the fact that Abrams has already bred (3 kids), I acknowledge the accomplishments of both of Abrams’ parents : His father, Gerald W. Abrams executive-produced over 70 films, and his mother, the late Carol Ann Abrams was a Peabody award winning producer. Apparently, talent does, in fact, skip a generation, therefore, hope may rest in “Abrams: The Next Generation”.

Run along Jeffrey Jacob, run along back to Felicity, where you belong.