The Low Down
I have something to confess… I’m breaking a promise with this club review. I promised to myself that I’d never write a bad club review. I mean, I’ve written bad things about clubs, but these are usually clubs that have a few negative characteristics that need improving. Even some crappy dive-bar style clubs have an appeal that locals dig. XXXV Club – THIS CLUB – has the distinction of being so odd, so surreal in its size and scope yet devoid of some of the most basic fundamentals that make a decent club that I cannot fathom why it draws a crowd. Usually, whenever I first step foot into a club, I have a vague idea as to what kind of club I was in… this place still had me confused twenty minutes after walking in the front door. As with all of my gentlemen’s club reviews, I’ve rated the club on a scale of one to five stars, with five being the best possible score.
Location & Facilities – 1 Star
The fully nude one story XXXV Club, also known as the 35 Club for those of you who haven’t brushed up on your Roman numerals lately, is located in Sayreville, NJ, off of Route 9 and the Garden State Parkway near Edison, NJ and about an hour south of Manhattan by car. The club’s gaudy exterior lighting and spacious parking lot might gives off the appearance of a fun, popular locals club; however, the interior is rather a mess… not in the dilapidated sense, but in the “WTF” sense. The interior of the club features an odd mix of interior décor – with artwork that’s a mix of tattooed pinup and straight nude women, four useless poles (we’ll get to that in a second) on the main stage, several poorly placed flat screens and a “smoke shop” that also sells lingerie and sex toys. There’s no cell phone use allowed in the club, which I was informed about after I paid my cover and had an “O” circled on my hand in Sharpie to indicate that I had paid. The bathrooms – *shudders* – were not only poorly lit and disgusting, but the ladies room (which my fellow gentlemen’s club aficionado and friend Taffy L’Ecliar used and stated “I saw cleaner bathrooms in the Port Authority in 1991″) is the same room that the dancers changed into. While this may not be a problem in a smaller club, XXXV Club had a lot of female patrons, which makes for an awkward mix.
Staff – 2 Stars
While I didn’t interact with much of the staff, except the Sharpie-wielding door manager (who was kind of a dick), Madeline, our hostess, was friendly enough that it made our visit slightly more enjoyable than not. Also, I have to give credit to the DJ on duty as well, who did a kick-ass job mixing songs.
Food & Drink – 1 Star
Soda, water, juices, Red Bull and O’Doul’s are available. Oh, and there’s a one drink minimum. You can’t bring “hard alcohol” but you’re allowed to bring beer, wine and champagne.
Dancers – 2 Stars
I really, REALLY, hate posting anything negative about the hardworking dancers at any gentlemen’s club, but there’s really no other way to say it… the dancers sucked. While there was an eclectic mix that almost made it seem to be a purely urban club, pretty much none of the dancers could ACTUALLY DANCE. They would just twerk on stage, not even utilizing the poles in the process. Also, none of the dancers came up to Taffy and I for dances… which is surprising, considering the number of female patrons that the club had.
Value – 2 Stars
The club seemed to be fairly priced for the amenities, but poorly priced for the quality of the club itself. Parking is $5 and cover is $20 (granted, there was a UFC fight going on, so that was a huge draw). Hookah is available for $30 and you can partake of a Deluxe VIP room for 30 minutes for $300. I never had a chance to check out the VIP room, as I had asked to get a tour of the facilities (as many gentlemen’s clubs will be happy to provide to patrons) but the staff member I spoke with tried and failed to find a manager in a timely manner.
Website & Social Media – 2 Stars
Sadly, the website (seemingly slapped together without much uniformity or consistency) is one of the best aspects of this club, featuring all of the basic information you need such as hours, address, pics, videos, daily specials and a dancer lineup… from two weeks prior to the writing of this review.
While this club has a lively atmosphere, caters to both female and male patrons and seems to draw a strong locals crowd, the club could do quite a bit more to improve the quality of the experience for its guests. Specials and prices are a great draw, but professional staff and a clean, inviting interior are what keep customers coming back for more. For those who want to check out more before you go, check out this YouTube video highlighting the interior of the club:
XXXV Club (Sayreville, NJ)
7090 Route 35 N, Sayreville, NJ 08872
Hours: 11:00am to 3:00am Sun to Thu, 11:00am to 5:00am Fri & Sat
C.J. Asher is a sex and adult entertainment blogger who has interviewed celebrities such as Dennis Hof, owner of the Moonlite Bunny Ranch, BurningAngel.com owner, director, writer and actress Joanna Angel as well as a sugar baby advisor, burlesque dancer, feminist and many others. His blog, CJAsher.com, also review gentlemen’s clubs nationwide and posts a weekly adult entertainment calendar highlighting adult film star appearances. Follow C.J. on Twitter @CJASHEROFFICIAL