TMR Zoo Message Board

Full Version: Moron of the week
You're currently viewing a stripped down version of our content. View the full version with proper formatting.
[Image: thecanadianpress_story.jpg]
British couple jailed for fraud after 'dead' canoeist husband returns home

LONDON - A British judge sentenced both a husband and wife to more than six years in jail Wednesday for faking the man's drowning death in a US$500,000 insurance scam.

Anne Darwin, 56, was jailed for six and a half years after a jury found her guilty earlier Wednesday of six counts of fraud and nine counts of money laundering. Her husband John Darwin, 57, received six years and three months - a slightly shorter sentence because he had pleaded guilty.
The couple staged John Darwin's death in an apparent canoe accident in 2002 to collect pension and insurance payments.

Prosecutors said the couple kept the fact that he was alive secret from their two adult sons while they planned to start a new life together in Panama. Sons Mark, 32 and Anthony, 29, testified at the trial that they had no idea their father was still alive. Mark Darwin said news of his father's disappearance had "crushed my world."

The plot began to unravel in December when the missing man walked into a London police station claiming to have amnesia. Soon after, a newspaper published a photograph of the smiling couple together in Panama, four years after his alleged death.

Prosecutors said that for some of the time he was missing, John Darwin lived in a secret room in an apartment next door to the family home in Seaton Carew, about 260 miles north of London.

Anne Darwin acknowledged that she had helped her husband stage his death to collect pension and insurance payments. But she insisted she had been coerced. Her defence of marital coercion was undermined when the court was shown affectionate, flirtatious e-mails she exchanged with her "dead" husband.

The jury deliberated for four hours before finding Anne Darwin, a former doctor's receptionist, guilty on all 15 counts against her.
The Grey Poupon Avenger

Cops: Utah motorist pulled gun on mustard-seeking prankster

JULY 23--Meet Vitaly Kovtun. According to Utah cops, Kovtun was behind the wheel last month when a car pulled up to his SUV at an intersection. After gesturing to the 22-year-old Kovtun to roll down his window, passenger Stephen Cox asked, "Excuse me, sir, do you have any Grey Poupon?" Kovtun responded, police charge, by pulling a handgun from his glove compartment, cocking the weapon, and leveling it at the prankster's auto. "Here's your Grey Poupon, roll your f***ing windows up," Kovtun said, according to a probable cause affidavit. Kovtun was charged yesterday for the June 18 incident, having been tracked down by cops after another occupant of the second car wrote down his license plate number. When questioned by police, Kovtun admitted that he, "pulled out his handgun and racked the slide back towards the victims in a threatening manner," according to the July 22 District Court affidavit. Charged with felony aggravated assault, Kovtun was booked yesterday into the Salt Lake County jail, where the below mug shot was snapped.

[Image: 0723082grey1.jpg]


that mustard joke never gets old.....
Teens plead guilty to crimes inspired by joke

LITCHFIELD, Conn. - Four Connecticut teenagers have pleaded guilty to going on a three-town crime spree that authorities say was inspired by a joke by comedian Dane Cook.

Prosecutor David Shepack says the teens smashed mail boxes at 14 homes in Norfolk, Colebrook and Winsted and threw rocks through some windows. He says the crimes escalated to two home invasions.

Officials say the defendants were enacting a joke Cook made on an HBO special about committing a "B&E," or breaking and entering.

A lawyer for one of the defendants says all four have accepted responsibility for the crimes and agreed to begin serving jail terms immediately. They are scheduled to be sentenced in November. A case against a fifth man is pending.
The question is, who did Cook steal the joke from?
Drunk shoots uncooperative lawnmower

MILWAUKEE - A Milwaukee man was accused of shooting his lawn mower because it wouldn't start. Keith Walendowski, 56, was charged with felony possession of a short-barreled shotgun or rifle and misdemeanor disorderly conduct while armed.

According to the criminal complaint, Walendowski said he was angry because his Lawn Boy wouldn't start Wednesday morning. He told police quote, "I can do that, it's my lawn mower and my yard so I can shoot it if I want."

A woman who lives at Walendowski's house reported the incident. She said he was intoxicated.

Walendowski could face up to an $11,000 fine and six years and three months in prison if convicted.

A call to Walendowski's home went unanswered Friday morning.

[Image: capt.0eb4df0e957145d8b454519f868ffa16.od...IXrFeMhg--]
What's the world coming to, when a man can't shoot his own lawn mower in the privacy of his own yard?
Too bad he wasn't wearing a Brett Favre jersey


Speng Wrote:The question is, who did Cook steal the joke from?

I'm pretty sure it wasn't Carlos Mencia...... LOL
Alleged thief stuck under trash bin for 12 hours

DILLON, S.C. (AP) -- A suspected thief trying to steal $10 worth of copper got himself into a stinky situation when he was trapped under a trash bin at a county landfill for 12 hours, sheriff's deputies said.

Deputies said Gibson Cook, 56, broke into the landfill, then got stuck as he tried to crawl under the large container. Landfill workers found him about 12 hours later with his legs sticking out from under the bin. Emergency workers had to inflate air bags so they could lift the bin to free him.

Cook was charged with trespassing and petit larceny, deputy Wayne Kirby said. He was waiting for a bond hearing and it was unclear if he had an attorney.

"He's one of our local petty thieves," Kirby said. "But he has never been in a jam like this."

Break-ins at the landfill in Dillon, a town of about 6,400 people in the northeast corner of the state near the North Carolina line, have increased in recent months as thieves look for discarded scrap metal. But employee Charlie Brown said that in 27 years at the dump, this is the first time he's seen anyone get stuck. He said the copper under the trash bin could not have been worth more than $10.

"It was right disgusting," he said. "I wouldn't be under there."

[Image: aaced223-f5b4-467f-97fe-c0010e825541-big.jpg]