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Drew Peterson cracked jokes live from jail on Wednesday on a Chicago radio show that he called collect.

The former Bolingbrook police officer, charged in his third wife's death, offered snippets of a comedy routine on WLS-AM Radio's "Mancow & Cassidy" show.

"$20 million bond. Legal fees: tens of thousands. Being falsely accused of a homicide that didn't happen: priceless," Peterson said in a spoof of a MasterCard commercial.

Peterson, who once proposed a "Win a Date With Drew" contest, offered a jail version called "Win a Conjugal Visit with Drew." He also joked about prison showers, his legal fees and his "bling" handcuffs, saying humor is how he deals with stress.

During the nearly 7-minute phone call, Peterson tried out a few crude one-liners.

"I didn't understand why they had seat belts on the toilet until after I had a couple of meals here," he said while the hosts played a drum-roll effect.

He also said he misses his children and has prayed and read the Bible during his imprisonment.

Peterson is charged with first-degree murder in the 2004 death of his third wife, Kathleen Savio. He is also a suspect in the 2007 disappearance of his fourth wife, Stacy Peterson.

He denies wrongdoing.

Peterson should be ass raped until he bleeds to death.

I don't get it, if you didn't like the first wife, why rack up 3 more?

They are all the same......

[youtube]F9bV_v9b8go[/youtube]

BOCA RATON — Two juveniles may have learned a valuable lesson Tuesday night: After committing a burglary, don't text incriminating messages to your accomplice because police might be interrogating him at the time.

That lesson landed the two boys in jail on burglary charges, according to a police report. The youth's names were not released.
More crime coverage

Police went to 21463 Town Lakes Drive around 11 p.m. Tuesday after witnesses called to say they heard breaking glass and then saw somebody enter an apartment window and come out with small electronics.
A second male was standing nearby, using his cell phone to shed light on the window, the report said.

Officers searched the area and found of one of the juveniles nearby. The boy was sweaty and could not provide a reasonable explanation for why he was there, the report said.

While police questioned that boy, the other boy text-messaged him, saying he was hiding because the cops were looking for him. Police saw the text message and the juvenile gave up the name and location of his accomplice, the report said. The second juvenile was found hiding near a pool at 5634 Coach House Circle.

Both juveniles eventually confessed to the burglary, the report said. One of the boys was also charged with possession of marijuana, which was found on him during the search.

oops.

at least they didn't tweet about it.

PORTSMOUTH, N.H. — Police in Portsmouth, N.H., say a man has been charged with lying about his involved in a hit-and-run accident by telling them his son was driving the vehicle.

Problem is, David Ponzer's son is an infant.

A police officer had questioned Ponzer about who "normally" drives the car and was told by Ponzer that his son, who was 19, drives the vehicle, but wasn't home, Foster's Daily Democrat reported. Ponzer told police he would have his son contact them.

A police office said in an affidavit as he was leaving the house, he "happened upon one of the neighbors" and asked if they had seen Ponzer's son driving the vehicle recently.

"The subject laughed and informed me Ponzer's son is still an infant," the officer wrote.

well, he tried

Man Accused Of Stealing 88 Panties From Neighbor

http://www.ktvu.com/hollywood-vine/19780150/detail.html

Man Has Returned All Underwear To Neighbor

SAN JUAN, Puerto Rico -- Puerto Rico police said they have arrested a man accused of snatching 88 pieces of underwear from a neighbor's clothesline.

The man was charged with theft and illegal appropriation. Police said Wednesday that he returned all $1,000 worth of underwear to the woman.

They said he stole the items from his 29-year-old neighbor over a period of several months in the rural town of Orocovis. She apparently had to keep buying more to replace those that vanished from her line.

He was jailed Tuesday pending a $20,000 bond.

http://www.hln.be/hln/nl/921/Kanaal-Nieu...ndex.dhtml

A Belgian teenager has told police she emerged from a tattoo parlor with 56 stars over one side of her face, rather than the three she had requested. Kimberley Vlaeminck, 18, says she fell asleep at the tattoo parlor and woke up in pain.

The tattoo artist says Vlaeminck asked for all 56 stars, but "when her father saw it, the trouble started."