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Groan! - Printable Version

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RE: Groan! - lreese - 09-13-2015

A 98yo man married an 18yo girl, and no matter how hard they tried, they couldn't seem to have any children.

So they went to see a doctor, and he examined them both. Husband and wife seemed to be in good health, but the doctor wanted to be sure ...

So he said to the old man "I want to run a Sperm count test on you. Take this bottle, go into the next room, and, uhhhh ... do whatever you have to do to produce a sample."

An hour goes by, and the old man is still in the next room. The doctor knocks on the door and says "Any luck yet?" and the old man replies "I'm doing the best I can, doc." The doctor tells him "Try using your other hand."

Another hour goes by, and still nothing. The doctor knocks on the door, and the old man says "I'm doing the best I can, doc." The doctor says "Try using BOTH hands on it."

Another hour goes by, and the doctor says to the young wife "Why don't you go in there and see if you can help him?" The wife says "What should I do?" And the doctor tells her "Look, you're husband and wife. I'm sure you'll figure it out together."

So another hour goes by, and the old man comes out of the room. He's drenched in sweat, he's out of breath, his clothes are disheveled, and his wife isn't in much better shape. He handles the bottle to the doctor and its EMPTY.

The old man says "Gee, doc. I'm really sorry. I tried it with my left hand, and it didn't work. I tried it with my right hand, and it didn't work. I tried using BOTH hands on it, and it still didn't work. My wife even tried using her mouth on it, but no matter what we did, we just can't get the cap off of this child-proof bottle."


RE: Groan! - lreese - 09-13-2015

A lady calls the concierge at the fancy hotel and asks him to fill the bathtub with whole milk.
The concierge asks "Do you want it pasteurized?"
The lady answers "No, just up to my neck will be fine.


RE: Groan! - lreese - 09-14-2015

[Image: c4acc1eb4b61ac72ebdf9a20aaa04758.jpg]


RE: Groan! - lreese - 09-14-2015

SHAVE &HAIRCUT

An old man walks into the barbershop for a shave and a haircut, but he tells the old barber he can't get all his whiskers off because his cheeks are wrinkled from age. The barber gets a little wooden ball from a cup on the shelf and tells him to put it inside his cheek to spread out the skin.

When he's finished, the old man tells the barber that was the cleanest shave he's had in years. But he wanted to know what would have happened if he had swallowed that little ball.

The old barber replied:"Just bring it back tomorrow like everyone else does".


RE: Groan! - lreese - 09-16-2015

[Image: step-into-the-meme-stream-39-photos-34.j...info&w=600]


RE: Groan! - lreese - 09-16-2015

[Image: 9f5c3b410ba54a2167f31e3a47586eff.jpg]


RE: Groan! - GoldenVulture - 09-17-2015

[Image: 10331.jpeg]


RE: Groan! - lreese - 09-17-2015

I'm groaning weakly...


RE: Groan! - lreese - 09-17-2015

I'm groaning weakly! huge grin


RE: Groan! - GoldenVulture - 09-17-2015

[Image: tumblr_l90a6hBMdR1qdw5njo1_500.jpg]