Moron of the week

[Speng]

It's like the guy didn't have any pockets. "I'll just put this coupon up my ass."

[Securb]

It's like the guy didn't have any pockets. "I'll just put this coupon up my ass."

Now that I see the coupon he was smuggling into jail this make sense.

[Speng]

http://www.dailyherald.com/article/20110...702119847/

A 16-year-old Arlington Heights boy told police he poisoned and killed three fish because he “didn’t want to leave any witnesses,” according to Arlington Heights police.

The boy is charged with residential burglary and cruelty to animals for his role in a Jan. 24 break-in on the 2100 block of South Goebbert Road. Another 15-year-old Arlington Heights boy and 17-year-old Des Plaines boy also face residential burglary charges, said Sgt. Mike Hernandez of the Arlington Heights Police Department.

All three will be tried in juvenile court.

“As a matter of fact, it’s a little disturbing,” Hernandez said. “According to the police report, he looked at the fish tank and said ‘We can’t leave any witnesses".

The boys targeted the apartment complex because they knew it had been evacuated after a Jan. 19 fire, Hernandez said.

According to police, the boys pried open a door and stole a video game system, CD player, 30 video games, 30 DVDs, a BB gun, jewelry and a safe.

When the residents returned home they also found hot sauce, mustard, ketchup and spices had been poured into their fish tank and three goldfish floating at the top, police said.

Police were able to track down some of the stolen items the boys sold to local pawn shops, Hernandez said.

[Securb]

A woman's 15 minutes of fame will her cost her 30 days in jail along with 6 additional months of probation.

This, after a Euclid woman violated her probation by traveling to New York to appear on the Maury Povich Show.
April Davis, 27, was on probation for drug trafficking when the show was taped.

Davis left the state with her 58-year-old boyfriend to appear on the episode 'Girls who Date Older Men.'

It was all good with the show paying for their flights and giving the couple $500 bucks for their appearance until the couple came home and Davis dumped her boyfriend.

Davis' former sugar daddy was so mad about the breakup, he called her probation officer and ratted her out. He even gave the officer a copy of her airline ticket and a copy of the show.

Judge Vincent Culotta sentenced Davis to 30 days in jail and an additional six months probation...all for her 15 minutes of fame.

[Speng]

http://www.thesmokinggun.com/documents/c...-goes-dogs

Porn Sting Goes To The Dogs
Attempt to ensnare boyfriend comes back to bite Indiana woman

MARCH 18--Meet Michelle Owen. Concerned that an ex-boyfriend had used her laptop to search for child pornography, the Indiana woman asked police to search the computer for illegal images, but had her plan backfire when cops discovered two videos of her engaged in illicit acts with a dog. Owen, 24, was charged last week with two felony bestiality counts in connection with the video files, which a detective found in the laptop's "recycle bin." At the time Owen asked cops to search the computer, she was locked up in the Johnson County Jail on a public intoxication charge (which violated the terms of her release in a prior drunk driving case). According to a police affidavit, a copy of which you'll find here, a cop told Owen that he had found videos of her on the laptop and asked if she "knew what those files might be." Owen replied, "The one with the dog." Cops believe that the dog in question, Toby, is a beagle. After asking if she was "going to be charged with this," Owen said that the videos "were just something she did when she was drunk and barely remembers it," adding that she tried to "delete them the next day when she was sober."

[Securb]

Police in Lakeland didn't have to look very hard for very long for a couple of men suspected of robbing the Chicken Shack.

Tuesday morning, Officers Tony Williamns and David Kaiser responded to reports of a burglary at the Chicken Shack located at 813 West Memorial Blvd. When police showed up, they found the business had been robbed of t-shirts, beer and other property.

A witness who called in the burglary also reported seeing two men running from the store and was able to give a description of the men. A short time later, and not very far away, the officers spotted 35-year-old Chad Berrien and 31-year-old Rickey Wright.

Police say Berrien and Wright were both wearing Chicken Shack t-shirts and had several more in a bag. The suspects also still had some of the stolen beer minus what they had already drank.

Both men are charged with burglary and grand theft.

[Speng]

Georgian woman cuts off web access to whole of Armenia

http://www.guardian.co.uk/world/2011/apr...web-access

An elderly Georgian woman was scavenging for copper to sell as scrap when she accidentally sliced through an underground cable and cut off internet services to all of neighbouring Armenia, it emerged on Wednesday.

The woman, 75, had been digging for the metal not far from the capital Tbilisi when her spade damaged the fibre-optic cable on 28 March.

As Georgia provides 90% of Armenia's internet, the woman's unwitting sabotage had catastrophic consequences. Web users in the nation of 3.2 million people were left twiddling their thumbs for up to five hours as the country's main internet providers - ArmenTel, FiberNet Communication and GNC-Alfa – were prevented from supplying their normal service. Television pictures showed reporters at a news agency in the capital Yerevan staring glumly at blank screens.

Large parts of Georgia and some areas of Azerbaijan were also affected.

"It was a 75-year-old woman who was digging for copper in the ground so that she could sell it for scrap," said a spokesman for Georgia's interior ministry said yesterday.

Dubbed "the spade-hacker" by local media, the woman – who has not been named – is being investigated on suspicion of damaging property. She faces up to three years in prison if charged and convicted.

A spokesman for Georgia's interior ministry said the woman was temporarily released "on account of her old age" but could face more questioning.

The damage was detected by a system monitoring the fibre-optic link from western Europe and a security team was immediately dispatched to the spot, where the woman was arrested. The interior ministry said she had no accomplices.

The cable is owned by the Georgian railway network. It is heavily protected, but landslides or heavy rain may have exposed it to scavengers.

Pulling up unused copper cables for scrap is a common means of making money in the former Soviet Union. Some entrepreneurs have even used tractors to wrench out hundreds of metres of cable from the former nuclear testing ground at Semipalatinsk in Kazakhstan.

[Speng]

http://www.cnn.com/2011/US/04/06/marylan...1&iref=NS1

Police in Maryland are on the hunt for the perpetrator of what appears to be an April Fools' prank that left a man glued to a toilet at a Wal-Mart store.

If caught, the jokester who doused the seat with glue at the Elkton Wal-Mart on March 31 could face second-degree assault charges, said Lt. Matthew Donnelly of the Elkton Police Department.

Police, along with the Singerly Fire Company and the Cecil County Paramedics, were called to the scene at about 7 p.m.

There, they found the 48-year-old victim, who called for help after realizing the sticky situation he was in when he tried -- and failed -- to stand up and leave the superstore's restroom, Donnelly said.

It took responders 15 minutes to remove the victim from the stall, but they were unable to disconnect the toilet seat from his body, Donnelly said.

Instead, the victim was taken to Union Hospital of Cecil County, where the seat was detached. He left with only minor injuries to his buttocks, Donnelly said.

Police do not suspect that the victim was specifically targeted, but that the incident was a random prank, Donnelly said. They have not received reports of glue-laden toilet seats since.

[Speng]

Woman Allegedly Kills Cat For Lady Gaga Concert Outfit

http://www.myfoxny.com/dpp/news/lady-gag...110415-ncx

A 20-year-old Oklahoma woman was receiving treatment in a hospital Thursday after being charged with animal cruelty for allegedly killing the family cat and using the blood for an outfit she planned to wear to a Lady Gaga concert.

A relative of Angelina K. Barnes returned to her home in Oklahoma City and found the woman wearing a long coat, with her face covered in blood -- later determined to be cat's blood -- ready to attend the concert, KFOR reported.

The light switches in the house had been covered in duct tape to make them almost impossible to turn on.

It was later determined the cat had been drowned in the bathroom, before being sliced open and its eyes mutilated.

The liver of the animal was found in a makeup case on the bathroom's vanity.

Police said Barnes was taken to Griffin Memorial Hospital where she was receiving treatment. She did not attend the Lady Gaga concert.

Although Barnes was diagnosed with depression, neighbors said the violence was "completely out of character."

Lady Gaga famously performed at the 2009 MTV Video Music Awards covered in fake blood -- and the next year she wore a dress made of meat.

[Speng]

Postal worker in deep doo-doo after using yard as toilet

http://southeastportland.katu.com/news/w...let/439793

Don Derfler says his mail carrier had something to deliver all right but what he left behind was nothing resembling mail.

Derfler was waiting for his babysitter when he saw his mailman acting odd at a neighbor’s house across the street. The postal worker then pulled down his pants.

That’s when Derfler starting snapping pictures. The pictures show the postal worker squatting near some bushes and pulling his pants up. Derfler even photographed what was left behind.

“We trust people like the postal service and meter readers and people of that nature,” said Derfler. “To come on to our property and to defecate – it’s just wrong.”

The post office is embarrassed.

“Immediately, the individual was removed from the workroom floor, and they were put on unpaid leave,” said Ron Anderson, with the U.S. Postal Service.

The post office hasn’t decided whether it will fire the worker. It still needs to complete its investigation into the matter.

“That is something we’ll have to find out,” Anderson said. “That’s a possibility. I don’t know what the final outcome will be.”

After a KATU News reporter showed Anderson the photographs of the worker, he said it was inappropriate behavior.

“Why an individual like this would ever make a decision to do something that is just beyond common sense and reason, I don’t have an explanation for this individual,” he said.

Derfler said he hopes it doesn’t take the post office long to reach a conclusion.

“I don’t know if this is a firing offense or not, but for me, it would be,” he said.

Two postal employees, who know the worker, said the man is embarrassed.

Within two blocks from where the incident occurred, there is a public park with porta potties and a store with a public bathroom. It is not known why he didn’t go there.