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Moron of the week
Man attempts surgery on his hernia with butter knife

July 26, 2011 | 7:08am

A 63-year-old Glendale man was in stable condition after he attempted surgery on himself with a six-inch butter knife to remove a protruding hernia from his stomach, police said Tuesday.

When police arrived at the man’s home on the 1000 block of Columbus Avenue on Sunday evening, they saw the man lying naked outside on a lounge chair with what appeared to be the handle of a knife protruding from his stomach, Sgt. Tom Lorenz of the Glendale Police Department told the Glendale News-Press.

As police waited for paramedics to arrive, Lorenz said the man pulled out the knife and shoved a cigarette he was smoking inside the open wound.

The man, whose name was not released, was immediately placed on a psychiatric hold and taken to a hospital, Lorenz said. The man’s wife had reportedly notified police that her husband had become upset about the hernia and wanted to take it out.

“It is absolutely impossible for someone to fix their own hernia,” said Sam Carvajal, a surgeon at Glendale Adventist Medical Center.
Family lost in Mass. corn maze calls 911 for help

Authorities in Massachusetts say a family that got lost in a seven-acre corn maze called 911 for help, apparently taking advantage of the police department's motto that says "We Want To Be Bothered."

The maze at Connors Farm in Danvers has pathways totaling seven-miles long and can take up to an hour to navigate.

A police officer and his dog entered the maze with a farm manager on Columbus Day to search for the disoriented father, mother and two children, including a three-weeks-old infant. The family didn't realize they had almost made their way out and were just 25 feet from the street.

It took the search party about 10 minutes to find the family. They were helped by a police dispatcher who stayed on the phone with the caller and asked the couple to yell for help to enable those looking for them to identify their location.

"Never again!" the woman is heard telling the dispatcher on police tapes. "We thought this would be fun, instead it's a nightmare."

The family called police for help after sunset, shortly after the farm's closing time.

"Hi I just called, I'm still stuck at Connor's Farms, I don't see anybody I'm really scared, it's really dark and we've got a three-week-old baby with us," the woman is heard on police tapes telling the dispatcher.

Farm Manager Rich Potter said farm workers had not even checked to see if visitors were still making their way through the maze.

Potter said he only became aware that the family was lost in the maze when a police cruiser pulled up and an officer told him that some people had called for help.

It was not clear how long the family had been wandering through the long corn stalks before they called police, farm owner Bob Connors said.

"We were out in the parking lot and we didn't hear them, so they couldn't have been there too long -- I think they got frustrated and called (police) on their own," Connors said. "They could see the street lights, they could hear the cars, they couldn't find their way out."

"We don't want to see anybody get lost and panic and call 911," Connors said. "We constructed the maze for people to get lost and have fun, and 99.9 percent of people do have fun getting lost -- but it's unfortunate that this party did get lost, it's got to be a positive family experience, that's our goal."

The maze has several guide posts with clues and posters instructing visitors to send text messages to receive additional guidance to help them make their way out.

"There is no way anybody should be stuck on that maze for any reason," Connors said.
Central Pa. man ‘ashamed’ over thousands of lewd prank calls referencing pantyhose

CARLISLE, Pa. — A central Pennsylvania man who made more than 400 lewd prank phone calls in a single day has been sentenced in a second case related to a two-county investigation.

Forty-three-year-old Rip Alan Swartz said he’s “ashamed” over the thousands of obscene calls he made over the last five years before a Cumberland County judge sentenced him to probation on Tuesday.

Swartz was arrested a year ago after he repeatedly called a Hooters restaurant. Authorities say Swartz called businesses trying to get woman to talk to him about pantyhose.

Last month Swartz was ordered to spend at least nine months behind bars after pleading guilty to harassment in neighboring Dauphin County.

Swartz told the judge he hopes to complete a treatment program and put the calls behind him.
I'm not looking for another dog, but I occasionally check Craigslist to see if there are any miniature pinschers. How do these people manage to function in life if they can't even type out a coherent sentence?

1 boy Min Pin will be 2 years old on hollaween very good dog never had sex house trained,My big down don't get along with him rehoming fee

Who cares if he's never had sex, how is that relevant with a male dog?

Or this one:

hi i have a 8 month old min pin he is a vary good pup loves evry one and evry thing i juat had a baby last month and he dos not get he can not jump on the baby and we r alwas yelling at him and it is not fare to him cuz he is a vary good pup so if u want to no more plz call or text me at 1262-395-0051 there is a rehoming fee for him so i no he is going to a good home there was pics but some one keeps flaging my add and i do not no y

So you're admitting the dog is out of control?
haha you troll craigslist.
skarydrunkguy Wrote:haha you troll craigslist.
Swiss woman dies after attempting to live on sunlight

Swiss newspaper Tages-Anzeiger reports that a woman starved to death after embarking on a spiritual diet that required her to stop eating or drinking and live off sunlight alone.

The Zurich newspaper reported Wednesday that the unnamed Swiss woman in her fifties decided to follow the radical fast in 2010 after viewing an Austrian documentary about an Indian guru who claims to have lived this way for 70 years.

Tages-Anzeiger says there have been similar cases of self-starvation in Germany, Britain and Australia.

The prosecutors' office in the Swiss canton (state) of Aargau confirmed Wednesday that the woman died in January 2011 in the town of Wolfhalden in eastern Switzerland.
Must have had a great tan
Police followed a “trail of chips” to arrest a Pennsylvania man who allegedly broke into a Subway restaurant early yesterday and only made off with nine bags of the savory potato crisps.

Investigators charge that Benjamin Sickles, 21, broke out three glass windows at a Subway in Washington, a city 20 miles southwest of Pittsburgh. He then broke a glass door and entered the store around 2:23 AM.

Sickles, pictured in the mug shot at right, approached the cash register, but apparently was unable to secure some loot. So he “threw cups at cash register, grabbed two hand full of chips (9 bags)” and exited the Subway with the stolen snacks.

When Washington City Police Department cops arrived, “a trail of chips lead to suspect who was on steps of Washington High School,” according to a criminal complaint. The Subway eatery is only a couple of blocks away from the school, from which Sickles graduated in 2009.

Charged with burglary, criminal trespass, theft, and criminal mischief, Sickles’s cell location is in the Washington County jail, where he is being held in lieu of $30,000 bond.

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