Moron of the week

[Speng]

Man Pooping Between Subway Cars Falls And Dies

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/01/16...86211.html

One man was fatally struck by a train and another was seriously hurt in unrelated incidents just minutes apart at the East 125th Street 4/5/6 station Tuesday afternoon, officials said.

The man who was killed was riding between cars on an uptown 6 train when he fell off and landed on the tracks at the station, at Lexington Avenue and East 125th Street, just after 4:30 p.m., said Paul Browne, the NYPD's chief spokesman.

The victim, 31, was struck by the 6 train as it was leaving the station, Browne said. He was pronounced dead at the scene, the MTA and FDNY said.

Witnesses said they saw the man defecating between the train cars shortly before he fell to his death, Browne said.

[Speng]

Drunk Snowman Sex Leads To Penis Frostbite

http://www.liveleak.com/view?i=9dc_1358895327

Kenneth Guillespie, 64, a professional drunk from Blackburn, England was hard at work when he noticed a snowman on the way home. He then decided to carve out a hole and have sex with the snowman while continuing his bender. By the time he was "done", bottles littered the ground, the snowman was destroyed, and Kenneth was screaming because his junk had gotten frostbite. As if this wasn't enough of a lesson, apparently the entire community is ready to lynch Kenneth for what he did to the children's snowman:
Ian Jessop of the Ramsgreave and Brownhill Community Security said: “If that dirty fucker comes back here after what he did. I won’t be responsible for the reaction of the community."

“Several people have already vowed to dismember him after what he did to the kids’ snowman.”

“He left” a pile of empty bottles, a wrecked snowman and a trail of frozen man-juice in the middle of the community recreation ground.”

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[youtube]lLA7dQ-uxR0[/youtube]

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In by far the saddest news story of the day so far, a 38-year-old Indonesian woman has been arrested after drowning her son in the family bathtub, giving the reason that his penis was “too small” for him to possibly enjoy a happy life.

According to sources, the woman was dissatisfied with the size of her 9-year-old son’s penis following a routine circumcision operation and so decided to end his life, later telling police: “I thought that, with such a small penis, my son would have no hope for a bright future.”

After he had bathed, the mother drowned her son on Feb. 28 at their family home. She then removed him from the tub before dressing him and putting him to bed.

Now in police custody in Jakarta, the woman is said to be in a remarkably composed state but will be given a complete psychiatric examination.

[Hooch]

Applebee’s waitress asks patron for ID, gets own stolen driver’s license in return

Imagine you're a waitress, out with friends on a night off, when you lose your wallet. Cash, credit cards, driver's license—all gone. Your bank later informs you that checks are being issued in your name.

It's a pain, but you carry on. Two weeks later, you're at work when four people walk in and sit in your section. They start ordering drinks. You ask to see their IDs. A woman in the group hands a driver's license to you. You look down, and it's yours.

That is precisely what police in Colorado say happened to Brianna Priddy, a server at a Lakewood Applebee's.

Priddy, though, didn't panic.

"I handed it back to her and said, 'Sure, I'll be right back with your margarita,'" she told Denver's NBC affiliate.

Priddy called the police, and tried to act normal while waiting for them to arrive.

"I put on my server smile and tried to take care of them, but I was shaking like crazy," she said.

When police arrived, the woman, whose name has not been released, was arrested on suspicion of theft, identity theft and criminal impersonation. Police also found narcotics in her possession.

"Dumb criminal," Lakewood police spokesman Steve Davis told Denver's 9NEWS. "That's the first thing that comes to mind."

Even dumber: the suspect is 26, Davis said.

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Applebee’s waitress asks patron for ID, gets own stolen driver’s license in return

My buddy's little brother used a fake ID in a bar and the bartender knew the guy in the license. The bartender thought the guy in the licences was an asshole and knew us so he served the kid anyway.

[Speng]

Greek soccer player banned for life over Nazi salute

http://www.foxnews.com/sports/2013/03/17...z2NuBFsEYP

Greek soccer player Giorgos Katidis has been banned from his national team for life after giving a Nazi salute while celebrating a goal in the topflight league.

Greece's soccer federation said Sunday in a statement that the AEK Athens midfielder's gesture "is a deep insult to all victims of Nazi brutality."

The 20-year-old Katidis gave a Nazi salute after scoring the go-ahead goal Saturday in AEK's 2-1 victory over Veria in the Greek league. He pleaded ignorance of the meaning of his gesture — right arm extended and hand straightened. He claimed on his Twitter account that he detests fascism.

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[Speng]

A news anchor was fired on Monday after his first-ever words on air turned out to be very inappropriate.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/04/22...31044.html

As AJ Clemente prepared for his debut on the evening news program for North Dakota's NBC affiliate KFYR, he uttered some words that he must have dearly wished he could take back.

"Fucking shit," he was heard whispering into his mic as an announcer introduced the show. It was Clemente's very first moment on air, and also his last. He was first suspended for using profanity and his coanchor, Van Tieu, opened up the 10:00 p.m. news hour with an apology.

"We were caught off guard and [Clemente] didn't realize his microphone was on. And while that was no excuse - we do train our reporters to always assume that any microphone is live at any time - unfortunately we cannot take back what was said. But, we do apologize and hope that you may forgive us and rest assured, that something like this will not happen again.," she said.



Video: http://deadspin.com/that-north-dakota-tv...-477013449

[Speng]

Man banned from store for stealing 49-cent 'Beavis and Butt-head' tape

http://www.franklinnow.com/news/208490821.html

A Milwaukee man is no longer welcome in a local thrift store after getting caught shoplifting a "Beavis and Butthead" VHS tape last week.

According to the Franklin police report:

The 19-year-old man was arrested for shoplifting the tape at the Salvation Army Store, 6341 S. 27th St., at 1:45 p.m. on Thursday. The tape was valued at 49 cents.

The man was cited and banned from the store because he is a suspect in previous shoplifting incidents.