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Groan!
The Secret of a Scotsman's Kilt

A foreigner lady visitor cornered a Scotsman in the Highland Games ground and asked:
'I heard of Scotsmen and their kilts. Do you mind telling me what's worn under your kilt? 

'Nothing is worn under the kilt Madam; everything is in good working order', answered the Scot smiling.
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A man goes to the doctor for a check up. The doctor tells him, "Your vitals are good. All of your blood levels are perfect. How old are you, anyway?"

The man replies, "I'm 75."
Doctor: "75??? That's amazing! You are in perfect health. You could easily pass for 30 years younger. This must run in your family. How old was your father when he died?"
Old man: "Doc, who says my father is dead?"
Doctor: "Your father is still ALIVE? How old is he?"
Man: "He's 90. He still lives on his own and he still drives his own car."
Doctor: "That's incredible! This must be a genetic trait. It has to be in your DNA. How old was your grandfather when he died?"
Man: "Doc, who says my grandfather is dead?"
Doctor: "Your GRANDFATHER is still alive?!? How old is HE?"
Man: "He just turned 110."
Doctor: "110?!?"
Man: "Sure. Not only that, but he's about to marry a 20 year old girl."
Doctor: "What? Why in the world would a 110 year old man want to marry a 20 year old girl?"
Man: "Doc, who says he WANTS to get married?"
Because I said so. 
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Man dies after blowing up condom machine in attempted robbery

Quote:A man has died after a piece of metal from a condom machine that he and two accomplices blew up in an apparent attempted robbery struck him in the head, police say.
- http://www.abc.net.au/news/2015-12-29/co...ad/7057388 -
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