The "Holy Fucking Shit" Thread

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http://abcnews.go.com/blogs/health/2012/...ans-mouth/

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Police: Teaneck man pulled gun on neighbor for farting

http://www.nj.com/bergen/index.ssf/2012/...rting.html

An elderly man was arrested Monday night after a neighbor's fart allegedly drove him to threaten him with a gun, police said.

Collins said he confronted the man after hearing him pass gas in front of his apartment door, but denied threatening him with a gun. He consented to a search, and officers recovered a .32 caliber revolver from his vehicle.

He was arrested and charged with aggravated assault, possession of a weapon for an unlawful purpose, unlawful possession of a firearm and making terroristic threats.

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Police: Teaneck man pulled gun on neighbor for farting

http://www.nj.com/bergen/index.ssf/2012/...rting.html

An elderly man was arrested Monday night after a neighbor's fart allegedly drove him to threaten him with a gun, police said.

Collins said he confronted the man after hearing him pass gas in front of his apartment door, but denied threatening him with a gun. He consented to a search, and officers recovered a .32 caliber revolver from his vehicle.

He was arrested and charged with aggravated assault, possession of a weapon for an unlawful purpose, unlawful possession of a firearm and making terroristic threats.

If it was one of my farts it could justify a shooting

[Speng]

Four bears break into cabin; drink 100 beers


http://news.yahoo.com/blogs/sideshow/fam...34427.html

A mother bear and her three cubs broke into a Norwegian cabin this week, reportedly drinking more than 100 beers, eating all the food and even knocking over a wall.

"They had a hell of a party in there," owner Even Borthen Nilsen told The Local. "The entire cabin was destroyed."

Nilsen says paw prints on the cabin windows and bear excrement outside the dwelling leave little doubt they were responsible. And besides, your average criminals don't typically break down a wall when the front door will work just fine.

His mother and grandmother were first on the scene, finding the entire cabin ransacked, including a set of destroyed appliances.

"The beds and all kitchen appliances, stove, oven and cupboards and shelves were all smashed to pieces," he said.

ABC News adds that along with the 100 beers, the family of bears also reportedly ate all of the food inside the cabin, which included chocolate spread, honey (of course) and marshmallows.

And perhaps worst of all, Nilsen is worried that the family of bears might return for a follow-up engagement.

"The mother has taken her young there, thus there is no guarantee that it won't happen to other cabins, or to our hut again," he said.

[Securb]

Four bears break into cabin; drink 100 beers


http://news.yahoo.com/blogs/sideshow/fam...34427.html

A mother bear and her three cubs broke into a Norwegian cabin this week, reportedly drinking more than 100 beers, eating all the food and even knocking over a wall.

"They had a hell of a party in there," owner Even Borthen Nilsen told The Local. "The entire cabin was destroyed."

Nilsen says paw prints on the cabin windows and bear excrement outside the dwelling leave little doubt they were responsible. And besides, your average criminals don't typically break down a wall when the front door will work just fine.

His mother and grandmother were first on the scene, finding the entire cabin ransacked, including a set of destroyed appliances.

"The beds and all kitchen appliances, stove, oven and cupboards and shelves were all smashed to pieces," he said.

ABC News adds that along with the 100 beers, the family of bears also reportedly ate all of the food inside the cabin, which included chocolate spread, honey (of course) and marshmallows.

And perhaps worst of all, Nilsen is worried that the family of bears might return for a follow-up engagement.

"The mother has taken her young there, thus there is no guarantee that it won't happen to other cabins, or to our hut again," he said.

You would have seen I different headline if those bears drank my brew.

"Four Bears Shot Dead in New Hampshire"

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Authorities say a 62-year-old employee was cooked to death at a Southern California seafood plant for tuna maker Bumble Bee Foods.

The Whittier Daily News reports Jose Melena was found Thursday shortly before 7 a.m. at the plant in Santa Fe Springs.

California Division of Occupational Safety and Health spokeswoman Erika Monterroza says it’s unclear how the man ended up inside a cooking device called a “steamer machine.”

The state department has launched an investigation into the accident.

In a written statement, Bumble Bee Foods spokesman Pat Menke expressed condolences to Melena’s family and says operations at the canning facility will be suspended at the plant until Monday.

[Speng]

Dolphin safe, but not old guy safe

[Hooch]

[youtube]Gs8X1RzQ1Gw[/youtube]

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Please learn to wipe.

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A heavyset woman caved through an Upper East Side sidewalk last night — dropping six feet into a huge hole where she was eventually pulled out by emergency crews using a crane-like rescue unit, authorities said.

The 31-year-old Queens woman was huddled up against the wall of Atomic Wings at the Blue Room Grill on the corner of East 60th Street and Second Avenue, seeking shelter from the rain while waiting for a bus, when the sidewalk below her gave way around 9:15 p.m., witnesses said.

“The woman was enormous. She had to be more than 300 pounds,” said Daniel Crumity, 44, of Queens, who watched in disbelief from a window inside the Blue Room. “The ground literally fell out from underneath her.

“It happened so fast she did not scream or anything. Everybody in the bar got up to look.”

She was taken to Cornell Hospital where she was treated for shoulder injuries and listed in stable condition.

The woman fell straight through the concrete into an area below that appeared to lead to the restaurant’s basement, witnesses added.

FDNY Fire Chief Thomas Jemmott said the woman had to be pulled up in “high-angle rescue unit” resembling a crane with cargo netting.

“Pretty sophisticated stuff,” he said. “She is a very large person, but we were able to secure her and stabilize her and lift her out of the hole.”

Messages left with the city’s Buildings Department and Transportation Department went unanswered.