Moron of the week

[Speng]

It doesn't mention the Wisconson guy's name... did he have the letters SPENG in his name perhaps?

That's my Dad's style, and he lives in that general area...I should call and see if he got his dick unstuck.

[Speng]

Lottery heartbreak: Wellington man says he lost $500,000 ticket

WELLINGTON - Florida Lottery security officials have opened an investigation into the case of a 69-year-old Wellington man who lost a scratch-off ticket worth $500,000.

But it's too early to tell if Louis Tolentino will get the money.

"They have begun an investigation, but there's nothing conclusive at this time," said Laurie Wright, spokeswoman for The Florida Lottery.

Tolentino is behind on his mortgage. His maintenance payments are past due. Medical bills are mounting.

His $500,000 scratch-off ticket would have solved all his problems. But as fast and easy as it came, it was gone, and he is in mourning.

"They're gonna see what they can do," he said Monday, his voice shaky. He said he was too distraught to say any more.

The retiree set out to cash the ticket Wednesday at a local Florida Lottery office but lost it, along with his hope of getting up-to-date with his bills.

"I'm sick. Now I owe everybody," said Tolentino, a onetime New York City garbage truck driver who said Social Security is his only source of income. "That ticket was God sent."

Tolentino said he wrapped the ticket in some papers and put it in his back pocket on his way to the lottery office.

When he got to the place he thought the office was in West Palm Beach, he realized it had moved. He stopped at a gas station to ask for directions.

"There was someone in line behind me that got very close to me," he said.

But Tolentino was in such a rush to cash his ticket, he left for the new address. He ended up not finding it.

"I went home and put the car in the garage and checked my back pocket," he said. "It wasn't there. I took the car apart, ripped my arms up. It wasn't there."

Tolentino bought the Gold Rush ticket at Gold Coast Liquors on Lake Worth Road, across the street from the Wycliffe Country Club community where he lives with his wife, Sandra. He retired nine years ago.

When he scratched off the ticket, he wasn't sure he had won.

"I thought I had maybe won $50," he said. "But there was another zero, and then another and another."

Still unsure, Tolentino headed to the liquor store to find out exactly how big his prize was.

"The machine printed out a confirmation ticket, which confirmed he had won the $500,000," said Larry Hillard, a clerk at the store who was not there when Tolentino came in with his ticket. "My understanding is a scratch-off ticket is like a bearer bond: Whoever has it, has the money."

Tolentino doesn't have much hope that someone will return the ticket. He said he filed a report with the Palm Beach County Sheriff's Office and called the Florida Lottery.

Tolentino said it was a mistake not to write his name and address on the back of the ticket. Lottery officials agree.

"That's the surest way that you can make a claim for that ticket," Wright said.

She said winning tickets go missing occasionally and are resolved on a case-by-case basis.

Tolentino is now heartbroken.

"I was so happy, in such a rush to get the money," he said. "Now I can't sleep. I haven't eaten in four days."

But he'll give this a try: "I do hope the Lotto people let me cash this with the confirmation ticket" from the liquor store, he said. "They got the proof."

[Speng]

Woman Getting Married to Fairground Ride

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/newstopi...-ride.html

This follows a "courtship" of 3,000 rides over ten years with the 80ft gondola ride called 1001 Nachts.

Miss Wolfe, 33, from Pennsylvania, will change her surname to Weber after the manufacturer of the ride she travels 160 miles to visit 10 times per year, according to reports.

“I love him as much as women love their husbands and know we’ll be together forever,” she said.

Miss Wolfe first fell for the ride when she was 13: “I was instantly attracted to him sexually and mentally.

“I wasn’t freaked out, as it just felt so natural, but I didn’t tell anyone about it because I knew it wasn’t ‘normal’ to have feelings for a fairground ride.”
Ten years later, she decided to go back to Knoebels Amusement Park to declare her love. She now sleeps with a picture of the ride on her ceiling and carries its spare nuts and bolts around to feel closer to it.

She claims to believe they share a fulfilling physical and spiritual relationship and does not get jealous when other people ride it.

Although she faces discrimination from employers, most of her family and friends have been supportive. “I’m not hurting anyone and I can’t help it," she said. "It’s a part of who I am.”

[Gator]

People give others shit about marrying others of the same sex, and this chick wants to marry an amusement park ride??? Um, ok.

My wife carries my nuts around in her pocket sometimes too, but it's not because she wants to feel closer to me.:(

[Speng]

Man Says Cat to Blame for Child Porn

http://news.aol.com/article/keith-griffi...ing/608038

JENSEN BEACH, Fla. (Aug. 7) -- Florida investigators say a man accused of downloading child pornography is blaming his cat.

Keith Griffin of Jensen Beach is charged with 10 counts of possession of child pornography after detectives found more than 1,000 images on his home computer.

According to a sheriff's report Friday, Griffin told investigators that his cat jumped on the computer keyboard while he was downloading music. He said he had left the room and found "strange things" on his computer when he returned.

Griffin is being held on $250,000 bond in the Martin County jail. It is unclear if he has an attorney.

[Speng]

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-...l?ITO=1490

A budding actor watched every episode of TV sitcom Friends back to back - and stayed awake for 84 hours.

Steve Misiura sat through all 238 episodes of the American comedy and smashed the existing world record of 72 hours for watching TV non-stop.

He said: 'I love Friends, but this did indeed hurt. At around 72 hours I wanted to die.'

[Speng]

Idiot Feeds Bears, Becomes Bear Food

http://www.denverpost.com/news/frontpage/ci_13023974

In the evenings, Donna Munson liked to sit in front of her picture window and watch the bears amble toward her Ouray County log cabin for dinner.

The 74-year-old woman — who stocked her backyard with dog food, fruit and yogurt — was found dead outside her home Friday, being eaten by a bear.

It was still unknown Saturday whether a bear killed Munson or whether one or more animals consumed part of her body after her death. But people who knew her said she was an eccentric wildlife lover who had been feeding bears, elk, skunks and raccoons for years.

Munson, who rented half of her home in southwestern Colorado to several people over the years, told one of them that "when the time came, she wanted to go out with the bears."

"She was a very sweet lady," said Tammy York of Paonia, who rented part of Munson's house several years ago. "She just loved nature. She probably shouldn't have been alone out there in her state."

Colorado Division of Wildlife agents had asked Munson so many times over the past decade to stop feeding bears that she quit taking their phone calls or accepting their certified letters and tried to ban them from her property.

Neighbors complained about a growing number of bears in the hills, ransacking trash cans and even trying to break into houses this summer. Still, Munson kept feeding the bears.

Two of the bruins were shot and killed by Ouray County sheriff's deputies Friday while they investigated Munson's death. Deputies said the animals were threatening and had no fear of people.

Two other bears were captured and euthanized in July after a caretaker at Munson's cabin complained they were too aggressive. Division of Wildlife authorities caught them both the first day they set traps.

"We tried to do everything possible to gain her cooperation," said Tyler Baskfield, DOW spokesman. "Obviously, this is a situation that everybody feels bad about, but it illustrates what can happen."

Bears fed by humans lose their instinct to fear people and "they expect that food source to continue," he said.

"Not only are you putting yourself at risk, you're putting anyone else who may come in contact with that animal at risk because they are expecting a handout," Baskfield said.

The night before her death, Munson planned to feed an injured baby bear hard-boiled eggs and yogurt, another former tenant said. And she had planned to swat a large bear that was bothering the baby bear with a broom.

"She didn't have a chance in hell," said Connie Barnes, who lived with Munson for five years and never went outside after dark without a spotlight, her husband and his BB gun.

Munson lived in the cabin, which bordered federal land, with her husband, "Ridgway Jack," until his death about 14 years ago, Barnes said. Jack Munson adopted a baby elk and made their home into an animal sanctuary, even letting a fawn sleep in his bed, Barnes said.

Donna Munson continued caring for animals after her husband's death, leaving a tub of cat food on her picnic table for critters and tossing food in the backyard and out her windows for bears. The elderly woman, who used a walker, bought giant bags of Ol' Roy dog food for the bears and had pallets of grain delivered for elk and deer, Barnes said.

"She had skunks that came in her house," Barnes said. "It sounds ridiculous to people, but you had to know her. She was a very loving woman, so much into animals."

Two women who cleaned Munson's home found her being eaten by a bear Friday, Barnes said.

A necropsy performed on a 250-pound male bear was inconclusive. A necropsy on the other bear killed Friday is ongoing. The Montrose County coroner is performing an autopsy on Munson.

Folks in Ouray and Ridgway, two towns near Munson's house, were upset about the bear deaths and the public safety risk caused by Munson.

"These bears are now not going to be fed and they are going to go to other houses looking for food," said Kate Singer, owner of Kate's Place, a cafe in downtown Ridgway. "More bears are going to be killed because of what this woman did. It's a bad situation, and people are not happy about it."

Munson had enclosed her porch with wire fencing for protection. York, her former tenant, said Munson had the fence installed when York and her two children, ages 1 and 4 at the time, moved in with her.

The bears would come within 6 feet of the porch and peer in the windows.

"We were in the zoo," she recalled, saying she moved out after about a year because the animals — especially the skunks — "got to be too much." While she lived there, a bear busted York's car window and left bite marks in her seat trying to get some leftover french fries.

Munson would be devastated by the bears' deaths, York said.

"That's the worst part," she said. "That would be horrible for her if she knew what her death had meant to the bears."

[3dR3]

sign him up for the Darwins.

[Securb]

A woman whose truck was pulled over in Niceville for not having tag lights was very cooperative with police, but that didn’t help her much, nwfdailynews.com reported.

Rahkia Marie Anderson, 18, of Fort Walton Beach, told the officer she knew one of her passengers had marijuana on him because she had smoked with him, according to her arrest report.

When the officer found a straw in Anderson’s purse that is consistent with might be used to snort cocaine, she said the straw wouldn’t test positive for cocaine but it would for Xanax, the report said.

And while Anderson was in the Niceville police holding cell, she was overheard telling one of her passengers that she “had cocaine” in her “coochy,” the report said. When officers questioned her about her statement, Anderson removed a clear plastic baggy from inside her underwear, which tested positive for cocaine.

Her arrest report also noted that she had identifying tattoos, including “Keith” on her crotch area.

[Hooch]

Chicks have the right to remain silent, they just don't have the know-how