Moron of the week

[Securb]

Loveland police officers said they found the ambulance in the middle of Highway 34 with several doors open, heavy front-end damage and fluid leaking.

One officer said it appeared the driver of the ambulance had hit the raised median, jumped the curb, hit a sign, went the wrong way and crossed back over the median before stopping.

Officers said they found 18-year-old Stefan Sortland standing about 30 yards from the stopped ambulance wearing an EMT vest. Officers shot him with a stun gun when he refused their commands. Sortland had a blanket, a cell phone and a box of Wheat Thins with him.
After eventually subduing the 18-year-old, the cops took him back to the station, where more hijinks ensued:

Sortland was taken to the Loveland Police Department.

There he "stood on a bench, kicked the wall, and masturbated," according to the police report.

Police said during his interview with officers, Sortland made a reference that his "friends/roommates were dead, in heaven, and had committed suicide."
Somebody find that kid a better dealer. That was some bad molly.