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The Story Exchange.
Lest we forget about out lost love, "The 3 Word Story Thread", I've come up with an idea that may satiate our hunger for irreverence.

In this thread we will take turns writing segments of a story. You can write as much as you want, as long as you use no fewer than three sentences. Also, if you so desire, you may call out a forum bro that you specifically want to build upon your submission. I think this could be a great way to squander our productivity.

(In the event that you know you're going to write something long, type "hold" into your post and edit it to include your submission. That way, nobody has their master work kicked out of place.)

Here we go:

The moon crept across the sky like a dense fog along the shore. Kyle was stranded six miles from town and under the effects of hallucinogens as he reflected on the circumstances surrounding his arrival to this place at this time. He had never been perfect, but after escaping from a group of Liberian gimps he decided to find his purpose in life. This however would prove to be a challenge since he couldn't even find his way home.
Trust me, I'm a medical professional. 
Under the influence of hallucinogenics, he felt one with all and in touch with the divine so it reall screwed him around in the head when he found himself lost. He decided to follow the voices in his head and started off under the guidance of his inner demons. He felt that was far more realistic than the wisdom of the gimps he had been captured by and " they had the worst hygiene habits ever " , I better go left here. By going left he left the street he was in, but it was the only choice left, as there was nothing on the right. I'm right he thought, go left.
Alone, he set out on his journey; Cautiously - yet unafraid. As each step carried him deeper and deeper into the dense forest he dwelled on the nature around him. He thought about the conciousness of nature, if trees thought the way that he did about human consumption in the digital age...if the snapping of fallen branches under his heavy feet were cries for help. These drug-addled thoughts were his only companion.

"Trees are weird" he said to himself, before giggling under the gravity of his situation. Although he could barely see beyond his breath... he knew he was being watched.
Trust me, I'm a medical professional. 
The police cruiser slowly rolled up to the curb, with the gleaming chrome of the searchlight creating a brilliant supernova of light on the back of his optic nerve. A single brash report from the siren announced the arrival of order on the scene.

Black leather boots, shined to a mirrorlike finish, were the first thing to emerge from the vehicle, and it only got worse from there. All six-foot-nine, 275 pounds of corn fed beef stepped onto the sidewalk and surveyed the devastated urban landscape, badge, gun, and club all ready for action.

Kyle had never seen such a ridiculously large multicolored reptile in uniform before.
Kyle was startled by this creature and reacted poorly to its presence. "Oh, fuck no!" he exclaimed, "David Icke was right!"

The reptilian protector hissed a jumbled command while swinging his club in an attempt to clear a path through the brush. Venom fell from its lips as it worked itself into a fit of rage before lunging towards Kyle with the speed of a drunken train conductor.

Kyle narrowly dodged the abomination's strike before running further into the haunting depths of the forest. As he snaked his way through vines and low-hanging limbs he could hear the creature's labored breath.

"HELP ME!" he bellowed - and that's when things got weird.

*Editor's note*

Upon completion of this tale, I will create an audio book adaptation and post it in SDUGF or something. We will figure it out.
Trust me, I'm a medical professional. 
Of course the forest was just some ones front yard with many trees , shrubs and vines hanging down from a pergola attatched to the house the yard belonged to, but in his state of mind it was a forest and then a jungle. He thought "I've got to escape the creature " and started climbing up the vine .
He hauled himself onto the beams of the pergola just as the reptile grabbed at him. He steadily tip toed along the beam to the roof of the house and started climbing up it

Next thing he knew he was staring at a dragon that kept on asking him " got a light ? "
"What?" asked our befuddled hero.

"Got a light?" replied the dragon. "I dropped mine in the loo at the Skynard show." Standing at almost nine feet high and wearing John Travolta's jacket from Grease he was a daunting, yet devilishly handsome beast.

"I think so." Mumbled Kevin before plunging both hands into his lycra pants and digging out his lucky Playboy zippo. He had hidden it in the only place the Gimps wouldn't find it...of course, they came close a couple of times but it was lucky for a reason.

Reaching out to hand the dragon the lighter, he noticed the look of confusion on its face before lighting his joint for him.

"Thanks, mate." He said while taking a deep drag and exhaling far more smoke than a dragon that hadn't been smoking. The two stood there in silence for a moment as the night wind danced around them. "So, you come here often?"

"Not really." Said Kevin. "I got kidnapped by some Liberian Gimps a month ago and after some...compromising practices I managed to escape. Everything was great until I got turned around and thought it was right to go left. As soon as i left I knew it was right to go right...I think. Now some fucking rainbow reptile fascist is chasing me."

"You mean that cop down there?"
Trust me, I'm a medical professional. 
They turned slowly, almost as if they had been without guidance for weeks and were face to face with the singular regent of the Reptilian Reichstag.

"Swiftly, now kevin! Board me!"

"My name is Kyle."

"No time for that as we're on drugs, hop on"

And he did. Thus beginning the greatest story ever told.
Trust me, I'm a medical professional. 

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