Groan!

[lreese]

I made love to my wife last night but instead of using a normal condom, I used a frog skin.
I thought I’d rib it for her pleasure.

You think seven years bad luck for breaking a mirror is bad?
Try breaking a condom…

[lreese]

Man dies after blowing up condom machine in attempted robbery

- http://www.abc.net.au/news/2015-12-29/co...ad/7057388 -

Nature had CONDOMmed him to death.
:toast:

[lreese]

Where do cats go when they die?

Purrgatory.

[LesStrat]

I refused to believe that my father the road worker was stealing from his job, but when I got home all the signs were there.

[LesStrat]

I bought a universal remote control, then thought to myself, "This changes everything."

[LesStrat]

My friend gave me an Epi-Pen as he was dying. It seemed very important to him that I have it.

[LesStrat]

I asked my friend in North Korea how things were there. He said, "I can't complain."

[LesStrat]

An old geezer became very bored in retirement and decided to open a medical clinic. He put a sign up outside that said:
"Dr.Geezer's clinic. Get your treatment for $500, if not cured, get back $1,000."

Doctor "Young," who was positive that this old geezer didn't know beans about medicine, thought this would be a great opportunity to get $1,000.
So he went to Dr.Geezer's clinic.

Dr. Young: "Dr.Geezer, I have lost all taste in my mouth. Can you please help me ?? " Dr. Geezer: "Nurse, please bring medicine from box 22 and put 3 drops in Dr. Young's mouth."
Dr. Young: Aaagh !! -- "This is Gasoline!"
Dr. Geezer: "Congratulations! You've got your taste back. That will be $500."

Dr. Young gets annoyed and goes back after a couple of days figuring to recover his money. Dr. Young: "I have lost my memory, I cannot remember anything."
Dr. Geezer: "Nurse, please bring medicine from box 22 and put 3 drops in the patient's mouth."
Dr. Young: "Oh, no you don't, -- that is Gasoline!"
Dr. Geezer: "Congratulations! You've got your memory back. That will be $500."

Dr. Young (after having lost $1000) leaves angrily and comes back after several more days. Dr. Young: "My eyesight has become weak --- I can hardly see anything!!!!
Dr. Geezer: "Well, I don't have any medicine for that so, " Here's your $1000 back." (giving him a $10 bill)
Dr. Young: "But this is only $10!
Dr. Geezer: "Congratulations! You got your vision back! ; That will be $500."

Moral of story -- Just because you're "Young" doesn't mean that you can outsmart an "old Geezer"*

Remember: Don't make old people mad. We don't like being old in the first place, so it doesn't take much to tick us off.

[lreese]

Good one! I laughed so "hard" I pulled a muscle in my groan.

[GoldenVulture]

The Redhead


A man is dining in a fancy restaurant and there's a gorgeous redhead sitting at the next table. He's been checking her out since he sat down, but lacks the nerve to talk with her.

Suddenly she sneezes, and her glass eye comes flying out of its socket toward the man. He reflexively reaches out, grabs it out of the air, and hands it back.



"Oh my, I am so sorry," the woman says as she pops her eye back in place.



"Let me buy your dinner to make it up to you," she says.



They enjoy a wonderful dinner together, and afterwards they go to the theatre followed by drinks. They talk, they laugh, she shares her deepest dreams and he shares his. She listens.



After paying for everything, she asks him if he would like to come to her place for a nightcap and stay for breakfast. They had a wonderful time.



The next morning, she cooks a gourmet meal with all the trimmings. The guy is amazed. Everything had been SO incredible! "You know," he said, "you are the perfect woman, are you this nice to every guy you meet?"



"No," she replies. . .



"You just happened to catch my eye."