Matt Lauer’s Alleged Cheating Scandal Uncovers Allegations Of Kitten Eating

Matt Lauer KittenAs rumors of infidelity try to take hold in the US, Today Show correspondent Matt Lauer is on assignment in Cannes, France. The mega-rich and powerful are arriving by the minute for Cannes’ famous film festival. As night falls and parties kick in, decadence and depravity will reign supreme. One practice that we are sure will be taking place is kitten eating.

France is a hotbed for kitten eating and one of the first places where the practice was uncovered. Kittens are known for their HGH-like properties and have been eaten by top athletes behind closed doors for years. Kittens are now finding their way outside of the world of sports.

Hollywood actresses and actors have been reported eating kittens to prolong their grueling body-shaping workouts. Kittens also give the user a rush of adrenalin that allows them to sustain a hectic party schedule, like the ones in Cannes. This phenomenon is known as “being on the fur”.


In the wake of affair allegations, now we are hearing reports that Matt Lauer may be on the fur. Matt Lauer, as we have heard from Today show insiders, “loves his kittens”. One source that asked not to me named was quoted as saying “Matt has his face in the fur every chance he gets” and then added “He has even been caught eating kittens in his dressing room.”

The Today Show is, of course, filmed in New York. New York is known for having countless stray kittens roaming the streets. These young felines are often scooped up by brokers and later sold to complete strangers. Our source was quick to tell us “Matt isn’t the kind of guy you would find roaming the streets of New York looking for kittens in the middle of the night. A lot of those kittens have diseases and it is not the most discreet way to find kittens.“

Our investigation has shown the rich and powerful will typically rely on a high end pet stores or “breeders” to provide them with kittens. These high end brokers provide customers with quality and discretion but at a premium. There is no question that these high end kitten brokers are in Cannes this week and I can guarantee they have flown in their best kittens. If our sources are correct Matt Lauer could be eating high end kittens in Cannes as we speak.

With this new information Matt now joins the growing list we have outed as kitten eaters including “Charmed” star Alyssa Millano, Twilight actress Kristen Stewart and pop sensation Justin Bieber just to name a few of the kitten eaters we have recently reported on.

Please take a look at our past kitten eating coverage and check back for more details as this story develops. If Matt lauer is on the fur we hope to be the first to report it here.