Last night on Hell’s Kitchen, for the second week in a row we were treated to a double episode. For the record, two hours of this show is about one hour too many. It’s just way too much screaming and people blaming each other for their mistakes. One hour is just fine, thank you. Anyway, this week, the show started out with Scott and Autumn introducing themselves to their new teams.
From there, all of the contestants went with Chef Ramsay down to a pig-pen that was set up in the parking lot. For this challenge, the chefs (?) had to run around the pen, catching little piglets wearing collars with side dishes written on them that they were going to infuse a pork dish with.
The chefs then had 45 minutes to take the proper cut of pork and make the correct side dish with it. Whichever team made the best dish won the challenge. One of the dishes, blood sausage with prunes could possibly be the most disgusting thing I’ve seen on TV since I watched tribe members drink slug milkshakes in a food challenge on Survivor.
The Red Team lost, again, and for their penalty, they had to clean the pigs. Why, I’m not exactly sure. But there they were, dressed in farmers’ overalls and boots, chasing pigs again. One of the dumbest things I’ve seen on Hell’s Kitchen, a show known for dumbness.
The Blue Team’s reward was to go to a spa and just relax. Aside from seeing Autumn in a bikini, we didn’t see much more of the day at the spa. But it was after that, back in the dorm where things got crazy.
In a very strange, frank discussion, we learned that Holli (Who’s probably the most attractive person there this season) has the largest porn collection of anyone she knew, and even has claimed to have made several homemade movies (HELLO!!!). None of them aired, of course. No, of course not. That would be sluttish.
And, if that wasn’t enough for one sitting, we learned that Siobhan used to be a topless and sometimes bottomless stripper and went by the name Shannon or S&M and sometimes used a leather rubber-ball gag. Say what crazy-lady??? I was waiting for the bad 70’s porn music to start any minute. If this was Cinemax instead of Fox, this could have been called Hell’s Bitches instead of Hell’s Kitchen. This was hot with a capital H. O. T.
And then, one more great little nugget. Salvatore then volunteered that he liked S&M. I think I just threw up a little in my mouth. Can someone say TOO MUCH INFORMATION? OK people. This is stuff that you don’t even share with your best friends, never mind people that you’ve known for a few weeks. What the hell was in that stuff they were drinking? Someone please check those cigarettes.
And then it was over, and they were back in the kitchen. What?? Great segue, not. The editor was asleep at the wheel on that one, or maybe still in shock from the entire last conversation. OK. Fine. We’ll cut him some slack. And Hell’s Kitchen is opened for Barbeque Night. Goodie.
There would be two services. The first one, the Red Team would cook and the Blue Team would act as waiters, then for the second, they would switch. In an amazing revelation, we learned, along with Chef Ramsay, that Salvatore never went to school but worked everyday in order to help his family. Maybe he’ll give him a break, or not.
Meanwhile, Autumn was on a one-person mission to have every plate returned to the Red kitchen. She was vengeance personified, and she was doing a great job, going to every Red table, seeing if the food was ok, asking if anything needs to be sent back. This was a renewed Autumn. One with an actual purpose.
The Red kitchen was doing a great job on their own, sending raw food to the pass. Chef Gordon was starting to sound like a broken record again. It was like they were trying to give the patrons salmonella and e-coli, at the same time.
In the second service, Maria mistakenly wrote one appetizer instead of another and it got sent back. Rather than yelling at Maria for making a mistake, he yelled at her for lying to him. Sure, makes sense to me. I think he’s finally lost his mind.
Back in the Blue kitchen, Jason made the cardinal sin of putting chicken in the same oil as French fries before taking the French fries out. As Ramsay said, they are not a fast food joint. Jason’s argument that the fries weren’t done just didn’t wash.
And, the Red Team lost, again. The women might as well just give it up. This time, Fran selected Maria. She has brought the team down long enough and it’s time for her to go home. Her second nominee is….. Nilka, the only one on the team who actually has done a half decent job. And Chef Ramsay appears shocked, as does everyone else. But, the method behind the madness is that no matter who she puts up against Maria is safe. And it’s a good bet.
But Ramsay wasn’t buying it and he over-ruled her and called up Scott instead, who once again tried to push his leadership abilities. And it worked for him because Maria was sent a’packin. And rightfully so because she really was bringing the team down.
On the second half of Hell’s Kitchen, once we got through the weekly nonsense of finger pointing and watching the chefs (?) yell at each other, we got down to business. But not before Nilka told them all to kiss her ass, amongst other very colorful things, for back-dooring her like that with no warning.
The next morning, the chefs (?) woke up to a new challenge. For this inventive challenge, the chefs (?) had to use one of the five mother sauces (a phrase I admit I have never heard before) in a dish. They had to use demi-glaze, tomato, béchamel, hollandaise, and espagnole. Interestingly, Chef Ramsay’s mother and wife were the judges for this competition.
It went fairly well, with some doing ok, and some not so well. Siobhan served them absolutely raw Cornish hen that was still bleeding that Ramsay called a pigeon, Scott made a chicken that he was pretty sure was a duck, and Holli served a sea bass that she thought was a halibut. This is clearly a very confused team. Oh, and on the Blue Team, Salvatore served undercooked pasta, which should automatically disallow him from ever entering Italy again.
The challenge ended in a tie, but due to Jason’s great dish, the Blue Team was nudged over the top. Which meant that the Red Team lost, again. Sound familiar? Before they went down to the kitchens to give them both a good overall and cleaning (their punishment for losing), they went up to the dorm to smoke and bitch at each other. Scott complained that Nilka grabbed all the good ingredients, and Fran yelled at him to quit complaining about everything. Hey, it sounds like my kids when I tell them to clean their rooms. Why even watch TV?
While they were cleaning, Siobhan told them that she was allergic to all things related to cleaning products, and about a thousand other things. Of course, she managed to touch something, even though she was trussed up like a scientist in a toxic waste center, with no hint of anything exposed. Nonetheless, she still got some sort of something on her and broke out in hives and had to be seen by the medic.
So, while everyone else was scrubbing and cleaning, she was relaxing, and smoking. Amazingly, she isn’t allergic to that. How can that be?
Finally, dinner service opened. Chef Ramsay revealed that it would be family night. That meant a lot of kids in the dining area. It also meant a lot of spaghetti, chicken fingers, and burgers. No problem. Yeah, right. Maybe if these were normal chefs instead of these shmoes who couldn’t get a job in the local pizza joint.
At one point, things got so bad in the Red kitchen, Ramsay declared it “Shambolic!” Wait! Is that even a word? (Actually, it’s British slang for a pretty friggin’ awful state. More specifically, “disorderly or chaotic”. I looked it up for you. You’re welcome.) And that was because Fran overcooked scallops.
Meanwhile, Scott told Ramsay that he was cooking one meat all service, because that’s what his teammates told him to do. But his Wellington was raw, again. He really has a problem with those Wellingtons. He couldn’t cook them last week to save his life either.
After seeing yet another terrible plate at the pass, Ramsay had enough. He brought all the chefs (?) from the Red Team up to look at it, touch it, sniff it, lick it (OK, maybe he didn’t ask them to lick it, but it wouldn’t have surprised me). Then he asked them all if it was the best they could do. When they all said they could do better, he seemed to get even angrier and threw them all out of the kitchen.
About damn time. The Red Team was a wreck during this service. Once they left, things started actually moving smoothly.
Of course, they had to go back to the dorm and pick two nominees for him to choose one to eliminate. Scott immediately picked Nilka and Siobhan. Then he switched it to Nilka and Fran. Of course, he’s the only one with experience and the only one who knows what he’s doing.
Ramsay asked Fran for the nominees. She first picked Scott, because he has a lot to say and not a lot to back it up. The second nominee was Fran, but she didn’t know why. Fran’s personal second nominee was Siobhan.
Ramsay then asked Nilka who the second nominee should be, and she said that Siobhan has shown a lot of growth since she’s been there. But Scott can’t keep his mouth shut and continues to try to defend himself, even though no one is talking about him or asking him anything.
When Ramsay asked who the best chef is, Scott jumped on that and quickly said he was, and he was the only one who worked in a fine dining restaurant.
When Ramsay asked Siobhan why she should stay, she said that she is always learning and asking questions. Scott jumped on that like a live grenade and said that this isn’t the time to ask questions. They should already know things. That was more than enough for Chef Ramsay. He had enough of Scott and his BS. It was time for him to go.
The last thing Ramsay did to try to help the Red Team right itself was move Benjamin over from the Blue Team as the new leader of the Red Team. Heaven knows it can’t hurt. The Red Team is an absolute mess. They have no where to go but up.
The show ended with Benjamin appearing pretty excited to be the leader of one team and Jay just as excited to be the leader of the Blue Team. This sets up a nice Jay vs. Benjamin battle for next week, provided the Red Team can pull their collective heads out of their asses and start to pretend that they’re cooks.
