We are only a week into 2011 and we may already have what could be the “feel good” story of the year with Ted Williams. As most of you know by now, Williams is a formerly homeless man who lived in a tent on the side of the road near Columbus Ohio… until he was discovered to have a golden radio/announcers voice. He held a sign that read that he had a gift from God in his voice and needed help.
He got that help.
On the surface, yes, this is an amazing story about the human condition with a possible storybook ending. But one has to ask… how does a man living outside under such severe conditions keep such a velvety golden voice? Hell, I lose my voice for a solid week after spending a few hours out in the cold during a football game. How can anyone endure living in a tent 24/7 and still have any voice whatsoever? The answer may or may not be shocking to you…
Ted Williams eats kittens.
If you are a regular reader of the TMR Zoo, this will not come as a surprise to you. We have been blowing the lid off of many of the hottest kitten-eating stories this past year and we will continue to do so until this evil practice has been stamped out. Originally, the scandal has mostly involved high-profile sports figures such as Tiger Woods, Manny Pacquiao and even Mark McGwire. The more we uncovered the wicked sub-culture of kitten-eaters, the more we found out that it was even more prevalent in celebrities whose perfectly-working voices were an integral part of their fame. Justin Bieber, John Mayer and even Kristen Stewart of the Twilight craze had some interesting ties to the powers derived from eating poor defenseless kittens.
We even tied the Today Show host Matt Lauer to the scandal. He and Williams look like they have all too much common in this clip than just their gift for gab…
“Man Crush”? Don’t you mean “We’re two men who crush kittens with their jaws”?
It is no secret that there is nothing like eating a young feline to keep those golden pipes well lubricated. Living on the street is probably the ideal place to be when practicing kitten eating with the most access to stray cats and their kittens. The fact that it is also a free food source for a man with no income makes this possible story all to difficult to deny.
As always, we will stay on top of this issue and report back to you with this outrage as only the TMR Zoo can.