We Have the Inside Scoop on Robert Pattinson’s Next Move

We have the situation between Kristen Stewart and Robert Pattinson all figured out. At least we think we do. We spent the day taking calls from Hollywood insiders and people in the know. One conclusion they all came to is Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart’s relationship is beyond repair due to Kristen’s inability to keep her drawers on. Everyone we talked to felt Robert Pattinson is through with the wooden Twilight actress. Some even gave clues of who they felt would be the next to share Robert Pattinson’s bed.

One Hollywood’s insider felt Precious and Big C star Gabourey Sidibe would be the perfect arm piece for Rob. The caller went on to quote the classic Jimmy Soul lyrics – If you wanna be happy for the rest of your life, never make a pretty woman your wife, so from my personal point of view, get an ugly girl to marry you. I must say if happiness correlates in that way with ugly, Robert Pattinson would be the happiest man on earth with Gabourey Sidibe.

Another Tinsletown mover and shaker had a more realistic match-up for Robert Pattinson, Rihanna. Rihanna is young, beautiful and at the top of her game. I was quick to point out it seems Rihanna will also screw anything that moves. If Robert Pattinson has any trust issues he will not resolve them dating Rihanna . Plus Robert Patterson would be subject to random beatdowns from Chris Brown. Ask Drake it is just not worth it.

We were about to shut down the offices for the day when we got one last call from the left coast. It was the best call of the day! A name popped up that we didn’t expect to see in the running, Pamela Anderson. The ex-Mrs. Tommy Lee and Brett Michaels old penis parking space just might make a great next bed buddy for Robert Pattinson. Pamela Anderson has already done the sex tape thing. She has been nude in Playboy and splashed naked all over the internet. There is really nothing she could do at this point that would shock Robert Pattinson. Unlike Kristen Stewart who appears topless in her latest movie masturbating two guys in a car. The only downside is if you sleep with Pam Anderson you sleep with everyone Brett Michaels and Tommy Lee slept with.

After listening to everyone’s speculation and rumors, we came to the conclusion; Robert Pattinson is going to spend the next couple of years deflowering Twihards. He isn’t going to see many more movie roles now that Twilight Breaking Dawn II is in the can. His B list status is already rapidly sliding down the alphabet. After Robert Pattinson gets done with his last GAP salesgirl we are pretty sure he will fade off into the sunset.

Don’t agree with us? Take a look here, we were the first to predict Kristen Stewart and Robert Pattinson break-up.