Suds With Securb: NFL Kick-Off 2007

Suds With Securb Logo The imminent arrival of another NFL season marks another edition of my traditional annual pre-season and Superbowl column.

Ive used this column to take some pretty cheap shots at Peyton Manning and the whole Manning family over the years. This year, Id like to offer a slightly different take. If anything I have written in the past was found to be offensive by the Manning family, the Colts organization, or the Colts fan base, well, tough shit!

As you can see, I make no excuses for anything I put in my column. I have made some harsh observations and rude, bordering on sick comments. Still, I make no apologies. However, I will attribute some of my commentary to immaturity; the same affliction Michael Vick says led him to torture animals.

Vick needs to look up “immaturity” before he uses it. Didnt they teach him how to use a dictionary at Virginia Tech? The definition of immature in this case would be “exhibiting less than an expected degree of maturity.” What Vick did wasnt immature. It was sick and depraved. Look those words up while awaiting your sentencing, Mike.

When you look at Vicks indictment, the things he did were very mature. He helped build a criminal enterprise and gave it a cool name, Bad Newz Kennels. He funded the enterprise with hundreds of thousands of dollars. He bought property to conduct these criminal activities on. These are not the acts of a child. Toilet-papering a tree or playing mailbox homerun derby is immature. Vicks actions came from the mind of a clear thinking, albeit sick, lucid adult.

Vicks next step after denying he took part in this stomach-churning scheme was to apologize. Come on, Mike. How can you look us all in the face and state you are sorry for what you did? You are not sorry. You are sorry you got caught. That, I can believe. I am sure you would still be standing over a pit with two poor animals in it if you werent nabbed. Cheering on one animal to tear apart the other with the same enthusiasm that you show when you land a pass in the end zone.

What sickens me further is to blame this cruel obsession on black culture. Dog fighting is not a black or rural activity. Dog fighting happens in every major city in the U.S. as much as it does in rural areas. One place it reportedly didnt go on is Michael Vicks old neighborhood. So this has nothing to do with the culture which in he was raised.

Mike Vick is just a bored, sick rich guy that was looking for a rush. So, if Mike is looking for excitement and he is such a gangster, how about he takes a stroll into general population during his upcoming prison stay? Mike Tyson did it, but I will tell you why Michael Vick wont do it. He is a little bitch. He can torture and kill defenseless animals. But if a real man stepped to Michael Vick, he would fold like a house of cards.

Let me put this into terms that everyone can understand. If Michael Vick was released into general population with real gangsters, they would force Vick to do bad things. If we ever see Vick run another ball into an NFL end zone, I want to hear Al Michaels curiously pronounce, “Vicks new stride is strange; he seems to be a bit bowlegged.” We can only hope this happens. Everyday he spends in jails should be just as much a nightmare as the days those poor dogs spent caged up in his backyard.

Yes, I have a new player to hate with an unparallel amount of venom. That doesnt let the Mannings off the hook. They are still hillbillies. So what will happen this season besides Michael Vick performing activities that Senator Larry Craig searches for in airport bathrooms? Here are my predictions.

Everyone is picking The Patriots to take the division; however, I think Cam Cameron is going to surprise a lot of people. Look for the Dolphins to be a force in the AFC East, even though New England stacked themselves with superstars. My buddy Jed, on the other hand, says “no excuses” should the Pats stumble out of the top spot.

Dante Culpepper, Eli Manning, Ben Roethlisberger and Chad Pennington will all be stuck in a rut of mediocrity this year. Expect to see them all fighting for the Lions starting job during this upcoming off-season.

Everyone is looking at New Orleans to easily nab the top NFC spot. I am looking at Chicago to be the top gun instead.

Bill Bellichick will finally melt down due to the pressures of his soap opera private life. He looked frazzled during the preseason. Big Bill is going to snap.

I will be on hand in Philadelphia to watch my beloved Miami Dolphins smack the crap out of the Philadelphia Eagles. I am wondering which injured QB Philly is going to go with.

The over-and-under for Cincinnati Beagles arrested is 6. I say take the over, and yes, I called them Beagles.

All of this football talk is making me thirsty. I need a nice fall big beer for this upcoming season, something with enough alcohol to warm me up on a cool fall day. I need a nice sipper that will allow me to spend more time on the sofa watching the game than in the john emptying my bladder.

Even though Ginger the wonder dog doesnt like hoppy beers, her and my new best friend Lola loves them. Based on the preceding requirements for a great fall beer, I would suggest preparing for this football season by loading up with plenty of Flying Dog Double Dog Pale Ale.