Suds With Securb: The Art Of Getting Shitfaced

I had a pretty intense week at work. I am not stressed but I definitely need to unwind. I am on a mission to get “banged up”. But before getting “faced” I am planning my decent into drunkenness. I don’t want to be a blacked out slurring mess. I want to enjoy a good, strong buzz.

I’ve reflected on our forefathers, “The Greatest Generation”. You know what they weren’t the greatest. Our generation put a man on the moon. We ended communism. The drove the technology boom of the 80’s and the dotcom burst of the 90’s.

Greatest Generation? They were almost wiped out by polio; we turned aids into a non-fatal disease. In doing that we benefited by getting the musical Rent and The Magic Johnson show so I guess it’s a wash.

One thing they those Fedora sporting, Nazi ass kickers do beat us at is the Art Of Getting Shitfaced. Look at us as a generation. We actually have a movie where Ashton Kutcher gets too drunk in Vegas and marries Cameron Diaz. Is that the worst thing alcohol can lead to? Waking up next to Cameron Diaz? This meathead has made more bombs than Raytheon why would we expect this to be any better.

The Greatest Generation had drunken movies. Wait all of their movies were drunken. The Rat pack aside every office in every movie in the 50’s and 60’s had a bar. Think of your classic TV shows Bewitched, M*A*S*H and I Dream Of Jeanie, the after work martini was always there.

My favorite of all drunken lines from days of old are from the movie King Creole. Elvis looks at Carolyn Jones best remembered as Morticia Adams and delivers the line, “you’re tight”. How freaking funny is that. Even funnier is Carolyn Jones firing back with the line “I’m not tight I’m drunk”. She is right there most drunken women aren’t tight.


Well alright we know what Carolyn has going on. But sad to say the Greatest Generation handled alcohol so much classier than we do. When you look at the Hasselhoff’s, Steve O’s and Osbournes’ of our generation it doesn’t take an anthropologist to recognize the decay of our generation’s handeling of alcohol.

So why this reflection of drunkenness of the past? Simply said this is the first Suds on a new site and I am a little bit shitfaced. That being said I don’t want to get Annafaced, I want to get a Sinatra buzz on.

So how do I go about getting tihs done? Well with some of the best beers on the planet. I started off with about 3 Oskar Blues Dales Pale Ales. I needed a beer in a can for reasons I can’t post here but what I can tell you is the Dale’s got a good base buzz going.

I got home and dived into some Long Trial Double Bag Ales. Holy Shit is that strong beer. This beer is one of my favorites it is dark amber and very balanced. At 7.2% it will get the job done. It is styled after a German Double Alt Strong Ale.

As I was banging back the Double Bag Ales I went to the basement to bring up some classic strong ales. I emerged from the basement with a 22 oz. bottle of Stone Brewing Company’s Old Guardian and a couple of bottles of Sierra Nevada ’08 Bigfoot. Ultimately I am looking to cap the night off with a Sam Adams Utopia but that is yet to be seen.

One thing I can promise you is you will get you first Suds on the new site and there will be lots of typos.

As I get ready to crack the OG I reach for my OG Glass that Chris from Stone Brewing sent me. Thank god I am still a bit lucid because I know when I get to the bottom of the OG there is a good chance of me knocking over that glass. I am going to opt for one of my generic pint glasses tonight.

I did also heisted to crack open the Stone thinking maybe I should save it for when a friend stops by. If a person was really a friend they would have a bottle of Stone with them when they dropped by so it doesn’t matter.

The Stone ’08 OG: The beer pours a slightly cloudy amber with a big pillowy eggshell color head. The initial aroma is of malt with tones of apple, pears and a touch of honey. The mouthfeel is medium with an initial blast of hops that stays with you throughout the finish. In the finish there is a huge amount of alcohol. God I love Stone Beers!

So it is past midnight and I am still working on the ’08 OG. I am staring hard at my Gibson SG wanting to play a little AC/DC, but I know if I plugged it in even at the lowest volume my wife would castrate me.

OK I am all over the place here can you tell I am gtting shitfaced? On the subject of being all over the place Jay Leno is a douche. Damn late night TV is hurting. I think I need something to eat.

The beer pairing of the week is leftover BBQ’d turkey kielbasa and Stone Old Guardian. Hey Garrett Oliver look at me I’m pairing crap. Did I mention the kielbasa was cold? This is brings me to the realization that Stone Old Guardian goes with everything and Beer/Food pairing is moot.

I am getting drunker to the point I can barely see the screen. But I promise I am having a Utopia with my readers. I am on the back end of the ’08 OG. I am coming out of the buzz as long as I have no desire to read. Crap is blurry.

The funny thing is my daughter who turned 21 this week just walked in and picked out 3 typos in my column. This is the same daughter that thinks she is the beruit world wide champion. Still she knows she is not ready to have a Utopia with dad.

So now I am sitting here with a Stone OG in one hand and a Utopia in the other. Yes, and I am shitfaced. Walking is impaired, speech…forget about it. I am ready to check out but I wouldn’t be that much of a pussy to my readers.

If you got this deep into the column, fuck it you must be a fan. I had a plan and it worked. I am hammered. I am going to run spell check through this column but that is it. And even when I sober up this will get no more editing.

The first Suds live without a net. The OG is done I am working on the Utopias now. The Utopia has a huge maple aroma and a bit of vanilla.

So yeah I am shitface, it is 1:30 I hope you enjoyed my first Suds at the new site.