Let it be decreed that in the year 2009 on the 18th day of the 8th month, the National Football League, as well as the planet earth, was once again graced with the divine presence of her royal highness, Queen Brett Lorenzo Favre of Gulfport, Mississippi. In a complete surprise, her royal highness has taken her rightful place as high commander of the mighty Vikings of Minnesota.
FIVE! It was a torturous five whole days that the spotlight was yanked from it’s rightful place over her majesty’s head by the hands of that street rat peasant, Michael Vick and his new pack of ruffians, the Philadelphia Eagles. Thankfully, our savior has returned so that football fans around the world can be cured of their ills simply by watching him play. Just think of all the lives that will be saved this upcoming season since each interception he throws cures 100 individuals of their cancer. That’s like… 2 billion people.
As we all know, deities do not need to be bothered with petty annoyances such as training camp so it is right and just that our Queen has coincidentally missed that in its entirety. It’s not like a player of this age needs conditioning… Sir Favre is so consistent in his efforts that he would never start the season on fire then fade out as his old body couldn’t handle the rigors of an NFL season any longer.
Just when you thought the stars couldn’t align more perfectly, in an obvious sign from the heavens, several hotel rooms have long since been reserved for the family and friends of our Queen when the Vikings were scheduled to travel to Green Bay to play the Packers. And to the barbarian ingrate peasants from the Bay of Green: booing a divine being is no way to earn favor. Beware!
No, it was no coincidence that our god was in practice a mere few minutes after the signing was announced… it was divine intervention. The same divine intervention that occurred when, two short years ago, a team flirting with Queen Favre’s destiny of 19-0, was struck down in the tracks in the nineteenth game. Yes, her royal subjects, the day is upon us. We are finally blessed by royalty in purple.
God save the Queen!