New York, NY – March 3rd – In a move shocking the baseball world. The Yankees have signed out of work actor Jonah Falcon to a 5 year 13.5 million dollar deal. The New York native has never played professional baseball. Yankee’s manager Joe Girardi says he has no worries about Falcon’s abilities. He said he has been interested in signing Falcon since first seeing him in the 1999 HBO documentary Private Dicks: Men Exposed. “I am sure Jonah can knock the ball out of the park with that huge dick of his’ gushed Joe Girardi.
In the documentary Jonah Falcon unveils the largest penis recorded on film, 13.5 inches long. He later appeared in a documentary by UK Channel 4 in 2006 called “The World’s Biggest Penis. Falcon is also a regular guest to the Howard Stern show.
Yankee batting coach Kevin Long stated he isn’t sure about the rules pertaining to someone batting with their penis but he is sure there is nothing in the rule book forbidding it.
Until now Johah’s exposure to Baseball has been limited to hosting the talk show “Talkin’ Yankees”. Now he gets his chance to step into the limelight.
Third baseman Alex Rodriguez said he was excited to see Falcon join the Yankee batting line up. “I am so excited for spring training this year” said a smiling Arod, “I can’t wait to see Johan swinging that big penis at the plate’.
Rodriguez was not sure how this would change the Yankee’s line up but he was pretty sure Falcon would be batting third and he would be clean up. There is no picture of Falcon or his penis on the Yankee’s website we expect it to be updated later today.
The 5 year 13.5 million dollar deal gives Falcon a million dollars for each inch of penis, this does not include endorsement money. Sources say the Yankee Stadium Footlong will now be called the “Almost Jonah”.